I think when you started to realized that you are already an adult (and you feel like one), you began to imagine yourself being with someone. You know like someone to share things with, to have someone to laugh with, or just someone you can talk to for hours.
I don’t like it.
In my 25 years living on earth, I can honestly say I’ve never been in love. That’s why the phrase ‘in love’ is soooo foreign for me. I guess what I felt before are all attractions and infatuations. So here’s the reason why I don’t like it… I don’t like it for the simple reason that it makes people crazy. It makes people who are rational, irrational. Like when they’re inlove, it seems like it’s the only beautiful thing that has ever happened to them. Like all you could think about is that particular person and I think it’s kind of a selfish thing, for me. Falling in love is like giving them permission to explore what is there deep in your heart which is so scary just thinking about it. You open yourself to someone, you’re making yourself vulnerable.
I like it.
Though I have to rephrased that I never been in love, I like the feeling of it. I like the feeling you get when you talked to your crush (sounds like a typical high school student), the butterflies in the stomach that you feel just catching a glimpse of your favorite person. So what more if you’re actually in love with the right person? I guess the butterflies in stomach are as many and as colorful as I imagine them to be. But I imagine love more than the butterflies and rainbows and being in a cloud nine feels. I am a hopeless believer of rare kind of love, love that is both Godly and genuine. Love that is both unselfish and nourishes the soul, everyday. Love that grows beautiful each day. You know, like when you feel that there something engrave in both of you that will never exist with another human being. Like you understand each other, you get each other. Only with the both of you. I think that’s my definition of love. You can feel it, you can feel it with your heart like it will about to explode, but in a good way. I think that is the time that you can safely say that you’re in love in the right way, in a loving way. I think it’s love when the most intricate parts of your soul is deeply appreciated/valued by another human being, and that of course includes the ugliest parts of you. You share some kind of universe, a weird and sensible one that only the two of you can access and comprehend. in that world, you share sensitive topics in life and that particular person listen to all of it, not judging at all. Both of you are just immense in the beauty of the world and what it can offer. Like you’re each other’s ‘life positive reinforcers’.
I actually don’t like it, I love it. I crave for it. I long for it.
I’ll be waiting for a love like that. I’ll be waiting for someone who is in love with life and mind.