Wandering Mind

I actually want to write something today but I struggle what to write. Maybe because there’s so many things happening on my mind lately (yeah I think a lot, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad). I hate that I feel too much about everything and anything. But anyways, even my heart and mind is not in a good condition as of the moment but I do believe that there’s always, always something good in every condition. So here’s the things I learned lately:

I’ve got a deeper meaning of regret as of the moment. There are three people whom I know in my life who sadly passed away recently. One of them is close to my heart and I didn’t even get to see her before she rested. And then this heart of mine suddenly made me realized that ‘hey, you’re still alive and you have million different ways to show to your loved ones how deeply you love them, how you REALLY appreciate them.’ That there’s no such thing as regret as long as you’ve done what you can to help them. Pain and loss are all part of being a human and it will make you more resilient towards life. That goes to my realization that…

Our number one purpose in this life is to show our most genuine, unselfish love to others. No matter how unlovable human beings are sometimes. We’re here to remind them that there’s one here ready enough to listen, there’s one here who would understand every word that they will try to speak, even the words they’re afraid to say. That if we show our most genuine self to others, they will appreciate it and in return they will love us back and the love that we gave, they would also show it to others. Isn’t that amazing? And…

Staying true to yourself. In the past I struggle with this because I always seek validation from others. Which I think is not healthy because you’re pretending to be someone you’re not just to please others. But now I realized that there will always and always be people who will appreciate everything you have to offer, even your weirdest self. So there’s no need to have so many people/friends to prove that you’re worthy to be love, because you’re worthy to be loved. Always remember that Self.

Self love is important. I think it’s so ironic that when we became older each day, we care much about other rather ourselves. We force to ate that burger because we have a deadline to finish, we bought that dress because somebody said it looks good on you (even personally it’s not your fashion sense), we spent hours on social medias realizing at the end of the day that it’s time wasted. So take a deep breath, listen to that nostalgic song, take a night bath, buy that moisturizer, learn that ukulele, make it a habit to tell yourself, ‘you’re beautiful, believe in yourself’. And also…

That sleep is important. So I probably need to sleep now because I have to work tomorrow and pretend to be a productive adult. 

And here’s an unrelated photo because I just feel like posting it. I just love this place because I can think of a lot of things. And at this moment, I feel a mixture of melancholia and nostalgia. I do apologized for the incoherency of words. I just write random. 

– Jannin 

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