Deep conversations and anything.

I really can’t find the right words to say today. I am currently missing my best friend right now, although we’ve been together just these past few days.

I am terribly missing our late night conversations that turns to life’s realizations and adult type discussion. It’s funny to think that we really are adults now and thinking about it feels like a dream because we used to talked about this kind of phase before and now we are already in this phase. It’s scary but also wonderful and exciting! The hours, days, weeks, months and years that had gone just came by so fast. In a blink of an eye, everything is different, everything had changed. And without us noticing it, we ourselves are also changing (but it’s a beautiful kind of changing) Our perspectives in life and what we value changes over time that makes us who we are now which I am kind of proud by the way.

And one important thing there, time really waits for no one. We can either enjoy it or waste it. It’s funny to think because when we’re young we used to spend all our time outdoors and we used to get mad on our parents (especially to our mother) if they want us to go home already. We used to get mad on them telling us to go to bed early because frankly speaking, sleep is very vital to a child’s growth. And we oftentimes neglected it. And now that we are adults already, how we love to be home, always. We are excited to go to work early because we are also excited to go home early, to just relax and do nothing. And oh how we love sleep! The things that we taken for granted when we are still a kid are the things we treasured today, irony of life. So, me and my best friend have one important realization during her stay here, that although we have so many excuses like, ‘time is just fast these days’ or that ‘I can’t believe August is coming to an end already’ that all we could do is to make the most of the time we have here in earth and make it as wonderful as we want it to be. So we promise to ourselves to be present, to live in the moment ‘cause we always failed to do that part of our life. We are always anxious about the future, of what it will turn out without realizing that there’s this thing called ‘present’ that we need to enjoy.

Right now, I have a more clearer outlook about the future. Thank you best friend for allowing me to see sunshine and sunsets when all I could think of are clouds and thunderstorms. This post is also for you for being such a selfless, kindhearted, sensitive (in a good way) and a very, very strong woman whom I totally adored. I am extremely proud of the person that you become and will be in the near future. I know there are days that you feel like you’re not good enough but believe me when I say that you’re very much special, that you’re such a beautiful human being (outside and most especially inside) full of capabilities and someone who wants nothing but the best for her loved ones. By the way, that’s what makes you even more beautiful, of how much love you are willing to give to your parents and siblings. You have your own unique way of helping other people, which makes you even more lovable. No wonder people loves to be with you. Thank you for inspiring me to love life even more and to look to the future with so much excitement, hope and joy. You’re very much appreciated.

Konting kembot na lang! We are good to go. Hehe.

Always remember, ‘the right people are timeless’ and I am blessed enough to have a few and one of it is you.

🌱

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‘Gratitide List’

How are you there?

Actually I promise to start writing my own ‘Gratitude Diary’ in a notebook but I prefer to just write whatever that I’m thinking right now. Here. So no pressure.

You know what? I’m always scared of the future, of what it will turned out in the end. I think that’s my number one weakness, I live most of my life in fear. But I realized just this day, during all the busyness of the day’s work, that I became less weak and a little more stronger now. In the past, when things are not in my control anymore, I often resort to crying (that’s my outlet) and just feeling sorry for myself (please, don’t do this to yourself) But right now, I noticed that things doesn’t give me that much effect and it made me into something that I never thought would existed on me. I am somehow proud of myself because of that *taps on my own shoulder*. I still have that fear inside me but I think it’s a different kind of fear because right now, it’s more beneficial. Just like how mild anxiety is good for a person taking a heavy written exam. I’m looking life right now in a more positive way, which rarely happens to me that’s why I’m very much thankful that it is happening.

So that’s number one on my ‘Gratitide list’.

Be fearless, strong enough but still with a golden heart.

Another thing that I am thankful for today is that we have a short but meaningful conversation with best friend. We just reminisced the time we are eating kwek-kwek and fish balls (traditional Filipino street foods) in the bay and just talk about our goals and aspiration in life. I love the fact that she’s the only person here on earth who can understand and support my dreams, even how weird they may look for others. That’s when I knew she really is my best friend, she just understand it all. We also talk about how resilient we are now and how proud we are for each other’s emotional accomplishments (yes, because we are just deeply feeling, weird type of people) because before, we have our different set of fears which we think we’ve conquered now (actually not all but it’s better than none, right?) This actually made my day. To my best friend, I love you to bits and pieces.

I actually don’t know how this whole post will turn out but I am just grateful that Jason Mraz released a new album! My favorite song from the album is ‘Let’s See What The Night Can Do’ which is perfect for night long drives with no exact destination. I actually want to experience it even for just once in my life (I’ll be writing that to my bucket list)

And… lastly. I am just thankful, that here I am, breathing and living and smiling. And that part where my best friend said ‘I am excited with what the future holds for us’ I don’t know but it made me hopeful. I’m just smiling and I think about all the beautiful possibilities that awaits us and it makes me feel grand and infinite (stealing lines from The Perks of being a Wallflower), that I can still achieve anything I put my mind into. It’s all about perspective.

Thank you God for a wonderful life, can’t wait for what you have in store for me and for my best friend. I promise I’ll cooperate and will always appreciate. 🌱

Appreciate life, appreciate someone’s struggle.

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To my 21st self. Suddenly, I miss you. When did things go wrong? All the enthusiasm about life suddenly fades away. Honestly speaking, I want to go back to you, where everything felt like a dream. Those were the times where you felt like you can achieve everything, that everything make perfect sense. You know what? My goal this past few months is to slowly come back to you, not the childishness that accompanies it, but the enthusiasm and passion in achieving something great, no not great but wonderful. I know those two words are synonymous but I feel like wonderful is more humble than great. Okay, enough with the weirdness!
Sometimes.

Sometimes I felt like fading but I also realized something today. That even though I have personal struggles (who doesn’t, right?) I am still blessed. I just recently discovered that someone I know is battling from chronic kidney disease, actually to be specific it’s already end stage renal disease (ESRD) which means he needs dialysis for the rest of his life or his last option will be to undergo kidney transplant. But of course, the latter is costly and not to mention very risky. It’s sad to know that he is experiencing it right now, like mapapaisip ka talaga minsan na, of all people ba’t siya pa? It’s one of life’s mystery actually, that bad things sometimes happens to good people. He is someone I know who has strong faith to Jehovah but on the brighter side of that, his faith will be even more stronger because I know he will continue to rely all his life to Him. 101%. Not to mention the people whom he will inspire more (including me) because of how much love he has for Jehovah, despite of course of the health issues that accompanies life.

It also saddens me that someone has to be ill so that you will appreciate what life can offer you today. Yes, I am very much guilty with this. Right now, I feel like a very selfish person for feeling these different sorts of emotions, not knowing that someone is in much pain than I am. Physically and emotionally. Actually millions of people are suffering today and I hope the touching hands of Jehovah will reach every soul and heal them. I can somehow feel their pain.

And I know all I can do right now (aside from feeling sorry) is to pray for that person and to just make the most of the time I have here in the world and just make it as wonderful as I imagine it to be. No regrets. Also, making it useful by helping and inspiring other people the best way that I can.


It’s inevitable, all the things that are happening in our lives and will happen in the future but it is also a reminder for us to keep on striving, to keep on living a purposeful life because simply for the reason that someone right now just badly need to live and breathe.

🌱

Road Less Traveled 

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“A life with love is a life that’s been lived.” – Supermarket Flowers
Good morning!
It’s past 8 in the morning (it’s actually my sleeping time because my work is graveyard shift this month) but here I am, still awake, contemplating about life while John Mayer’s instrumental ‘The Search for Everything’ plays in the background. And then I remembered the scribble thoughts I wrote in my notebook and I busied myself scrolling and reading it, again. It’s actually a ‘30 Day Writing Challenge’ and day 9 has a description like this: post some words of wisdom that highly speaks to you. I did like what I wrote here although at first I have no intention of sharing my thoughts here because for two reasons: 1.) It really is just plain/simple, nothing special and 2.) It’s a personal thing and sharing it is like exposing your self to be more vulnerable. But then again, I realized that it is for inspiring purposes so why not share ( I think I explained too much) So enough, here it is:

Life really is a big jungle. You don’t know what’s there to see. You don’t know if the path you will choose will makes its way to something wonderful; sometimes it’s the other way around. That even though there are things that didn’t happened exactly as you want them to be doesn’t mean it has the capacity to destroy you. You can choose just one, to be strong or continue being weak. Please choose to be strong because you will bring that lesson every time you face unexpected things that will break you.

The world and it’s accompanying chaos is nothing when we choose to be better than we are yesterday. There are times when you feel like everyone around you seems right but it doesn’t necessarily means its true. Believe in yourself and your capabilities and just focus on bettering yourself. You will be proud of the person you become someday, just believe. 

 

It really is just simple but it made me rethink of my thoughts about ‘The Road Less Traveled’. Yes, it is a poem by Mr. Robert Frost. Over the years, this poem grows with me and it made my early 20s somehow bearable. Thanks for this Robert Frost *silently winks*. I can say I am still living that poem until now and will continue for the rest of my life until I finally found my purpose in life. Sounds very cliche, I know.

And right now, I came to think of it as something more matured, maybe because I also aged. That choosing a ‘Road Less Traveled’ means accepting changes and accepting that there are parts of you that are ugly but you choose to accept it as they are but you don’t dwell on that either. That a ‘Road Less Traveled’ means choosing a path that seem impossible to achieve but you still have that one small leap of hope that you can still achieve it no matter what. That it’s about that dream that only you and God silently negotiated and that no matter what happen, He will forever be your number one supporter through all your life’s endeavours (Proverbs 3:5,6) As what the last line of the poem said, ‘I choose the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference’, that I think will make all the difference, of us relying into Him no matter where we are in life, what we do, what we will choose to be because in the end, he will be the one who will direct all our paths straight and it will never be regretful after all. Because if we choose him and will continue choosing him, we choose to live, we choose life.

Mother’s love. 

When you open your Facebook today, you will be bombarded with people greeting their mother a ‘happy mother’s day’. I’m not complaining though because I love seeing posts about anything related to mothers (because obviously it is ‘Mother’s appreciation day’)

I actually love this time of the year because it’s a gentle reminder for me to always appreciate my very own superhero, my mom. No, my mama (na-a-awkwardan ako sa my mom, hihi masyadong sosyal)
Actually, it makes me really emotional when I talk about my mother. Who doesn’t, right? Someone who’s been there with you through all the phases of your lives will be enough reason to love them unconditionally. So here are little words of appreciation to a person who never stop working. (Btw, it’s Tagalog)

Ma,

Sapat ba ang mga salita para magpasalamat sa mga bagay-bagay na iyong ginawa? Mula pagkabata hanggang sa pagtanda, kasama kita. Sa mga araw ng kapighatian at kalungkutan, kasangga kita. Ikaw na yata ang forever kong kakampi sa iba’t ibang klase ng digmaan sa buhay na akin pang pagdaraanan. Alam mo bang namimiss na kita, mula sa simpleng bonding natin sa pagbili ng groceries hanggang sa pagluto mo ng napakasarap na kare-kare at relyenong bangus. Sa pagsabay mo sa’kin ‘pag kumakanta ng mga kanta ng Carpenters. Ang sayang makita kang masaya, sa totoo lang.

Sinong makakapantay sa’yo? Sa pagkalinga mo sa tuwing ako’y nagkakasakit, kahit malaki na ako’y andyan ka pa rin at nakaantabay.

Minsan nga, nakakalimutan kong nanay kita. Siguro dahil nasasabayan mo mga walang kwenta kong jokes at kalokohan at dahil doon hindi ka lang ina kundi matalik ko ding kaibigan.

Salamat ma, nasasabi ko sa’yo ano mang tumatakbo sa magulo kong isip at sa ‘di malamang dahilan, kumakalma ito at nagiging masaya ulit. Boses mo pa lang, musika na na nagpapagaan ng aking pakiramdam. Salamat, salamat sa taglay mong mahika – ang walang katumbas na pagmamahal.
Maraming bagay man ang magbago, maraming tao man ang dumating at umalis sa buhay ko, ikaw lang mananatiling forever ko. Habangbuhay akong magpapasalamat sa Diyos dahil ibinigay niya sakin ang walang katumbas na regalo – ikaw yun ma. Dahil sa’yo, nakaramdam ako ng masidhing pagmamahal. Asahan mo, hindi ko ‘to pagdadamot. Ibabahagi ko ‘to gaya ng turo mo. Mahal na mahal kita. ❤️

Nagmamahal,

Ang iyong Panganay at Weirdung Anak

…………

Perfect lyrics for Mother’s love:

When the world is unkind

And your dreams they need more time

I’ll be there for you

If the rules they keep breakin’

And the future is fadin’

I’ll be there for you

The rainbow will end in the palm of your hand

Don’t ever let it go

When the stars won’t shine anymore

I’ll be there.

🌱

Home

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We always crave for the presence of home.

 
A cozy feeling of belonging to something. A constant longing for something that will always bring you peace and comfort. Something that is hard to find in this very loud world filled with people who seem to never stop talking and failed to stop and just really listen.

 
Throughout the years of living here on this not-so-easy world, I came to realized that home is not necessary a place. It’s actually a ‘feeling’, a constant yearning of beautiful things. A family that will always be there to love and care for you, a best friend who will still love you even if you’re sad and miserable, a song that will always reminds you of that one summer time in the car where you’re almost happy you can’t stop singing (that part where we sung it in chorus, together with my siblings), an all time favorite movie that never fails to give you every sort of emotions and always awakens the hopeless romantic in you. It’s easy to overlook these ‘feelings’ because they’re very much familiar but it is when you’re all alone at night that you can’t help but to appreciate those times.

That’s why today I want to associate ‘home’ to ‘live in the moment’ because I always failed to accomplish that part of my life. I think, when you’re more appreciative and thankful of what you have now in your life, sooner or later everything will just make perfect sense. As what the quote said, ‘just fill your life with good stuffs, one at a time’ and soon enough it will be full enough there will never be room for anything bad in your life.

Just can’t wait for that day when I already found what I’m looking for, that I will find my home but hey self, just try to slow down and just enjoy every moment you have right now because basically, you will also miss this someday.

You will get there someday. *Reminding myself again because of how forgetful I am*