It Seems 

Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

It seems like every little thing now is completely blurred

But it’s a constant reminder

To constantly imagine yourself to a place

Where growing will always be an infinite number.

Things I’m trying to remind my 26 self. 

Get lost, it’s the only way you can be found, somehow. 

Advertisements

Appreciate life, appreciate someone’s struggle.

A6B55D65-C0B4-4F13-9579-2E7C91EB6B89.jpeg

To my 21st self. Suddenly, I miss you. When did things go wrong? All the enthusiasm about life suddenly fades away. Honestly speaking, I want to go back to you, where everything felt like a dream. Those were the times where you felt like you can achieve everything, that everything make perfect sense. You know what? My goal this past few months is to slowly come back to you, not the childishness that accompanies it, but the enthusiasm and passion in achieving something great, no not great but wonderful. I know those two words are synonymous but I feel like wonderful is more humble than great. Okay, enough with the weirdness!
Sometimes.

Sometimes I felt like fading but I also realized something today. That even though I have personal struggles (who doesn’t, right?) I am still blessed. I just recently discovered that someone I know is battling from chronic kidney disease, actually to be specific it’s already end stage renal disease (ESRD) which means he needs dialysis for the rest of his life or his last option will be to undergo kidney transplant. But of course, the latter is costly and not to mention very risky. It’s sad to know that he is experiencing it right now, like mapapaisip ka talaga minsan na, of all people ba’t siya pa? It’s one of life’s mystery actually, that bad things sometimes happens to good people. He is someone I know who has strong faith to Jehovah but on the brighter side of that, his faith will be even more stronger because I know he will continue to rely all his life to Him. 101%. Not to mention the people whom he will inspire more (including me) because of how much love he has for Jehovah, despite of course of the health issues that accompanies life.

It also saddens me that someone has to be ill so that you will appreciate what life can offer you today. Yes, I am very much guilty with this. Right now, I feel like a very selfish person for feeling these different sorts of emotions, not knowing that someone is in much pain than I am. Physically and emotionally. Actually millions of people are suffering today and I hope the touching hands of Jehovah will reach every soul and heal them. I can somehow feel their pain.

And I know all I can do right now (aside from feeling sorry) is to pray for that person and to just make the most of the time I have here in the world and just make it as wonderful as I imagine it to be. No regrets. Also, making it useful by helping and inspiring other people the best way that I can.


It’s inevitable, all the things that are happening in our lives and will happen in the future but it is also a reminder for us to keep on striving, to keep on living a purposeful life because simply for the reason that someone right now just badly need to live and breathe.

🌱

Road Less Traveled 

Processed with VSCO with m3 preset
“A life with love is a life that’s been lived.” – Supermarket Flowers
Good morning!
It’s past 8 in the morning (it’s actually my sleeping time because my work is graveyard shift this month) but here I am, still awake, contemplating about life while John Mayer’s instrumental ‘The Search for Everything’ plays in the background. And then I remembered the scribble thoughts I wrote in my notebook and I busied myself scrolling and reading it, again. It’s actually a ‘30 Day Writing Challenge’ and day 9 has a description like this: post some words of wisdom that highly speaks to you. I did like what I wrote here although at first I have no intention of sharing my thoughts here because for two reasons: 1.) It really is just plain/simple, nothing special and 2.) It’s a personal thing and sharing it is like exposing your self to be more vulnerable. But then again, I realized that it is for inspiring purposes so why not share ( I think I explained too much) So enough, here it is:

Life really is a big jungle. You don’t know what’s there to see. You don’t know if the path you will choose will makes its way to something wonderful; sometimes it’s the other way around. That even though there are things that didn’t happened exactly as you want them to be doesn’t mean it has the capacity to destroy you. You can choose just one, to be strong or continue being weak. Please choose to be strong because you will bring that lesson every time you face unexpected things that will break you.

The world and it’s accompanying chaos is nothing when we choose to be better than we are yesterday. There are times when you feel like everyone around you seems right but it doesn’t necessarily means its true. Believe in yourself and your capabilities and just focus on bettering yourself. You will be proud of the person you become someday, just believe. 

 

It really is just simple but it made me rethink of my thoughts about ‘The Road Less Traveled’. Yes, it is a poem by Mr. Robert Frost. Over the years, this poem grows with me and it made my early 20s somehow bearable. Thanks for this Robert Frost *silently winks*. I can say I am still living that poem until now and will continue for the rest of my life until I finally found my purpose in life. Sounds very cliche, I know.

And right now, I came to think of it as something more matured, maybe because I also aged. That choosing a ‘Road Less Traveled’ means accepting changes and accepting that there are parts of you that are ugly but you choose to accept it as they are but you don’t dwell on that either. That a ‘Road Less Traveled’ means choosing a path that seem impossible to achieve but you still have that one small leap of hope that you can still achieve it no matter what. That it’s about that dream that only you and God silently negotiated and that no matter what happen, He will forever be your number one supporter through all your life’s endeavours (Proverbs 3:5,6) As what the last line of the poem said, ‘I choose the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference’, that I think will make all the difference, of us relying into Him no matter where we are in life, what we do, what we will choose to be because in the end, he will be the one who will direct all our paths straight and it will never be regretful after all. Because if we choose him and will continue choosing him, we choose to live, we choose life.

Mother’s love. 

When you open your Facebook today, you will be bombarded with people greeting their mother a ‘happy mother’s day’. I’m not complaining though because I love seeing posts about anything related to mothers (because obviously it is ‘Mother’s appreciation day’)

I actually love this time of the year because it’s a gentle reminder for me to always appreciate my very own superhero, my mom. No, my mama (na-a-awkwardan ako sa my mom, hihi masyadong sosyal)
Actually, it makes me really emotional when I talk about my mother. Who doesn’t, right? Someone who’s been there with you through all the phases of your lives will be enough reason to love them unconditionally. So here are little words of appreciation to a person who never stop working. (Btw, it’s Tagalog)

Ma,

Sapat ba ang mga salita para magpasalamat sa mga bagay-bagay na iyong ginawa? Mula pagkabata hanggang sa pagtanda, kasama kita. Sa mga araw ng kapighatian at kalungkutan, kasangga kita. Ikaw na yata ang forever kong kakampi sa iba’t ibang klase ng digmaan sa buhay na akin pang pagdaraanan. Alam mo bang namimiss na kita, mula sa simpleng bonding natin sa pagbili ng groceries hanggang sa pagluto mo ng napakasarap na kare-kare at relyenong bangus. Sa pagsabay mo sa’kin ‘pag kumakanta ng mga kanta ng Carpenters. Ang sayang makita kang masaya, sa totoo lang.

Sinong makakapantay sa’yo? Sa pagkalinga mo sa tuwing ako’y nagkakasakit, kahit malaki na ako’y andyan ka pa rin at nakaantabay.

Minsan nga, nakakalimutan kong nanay kita. Siguro dahil nasasabayan mo mga walang kwenta kong jokes at kalokohan at dahil doon hindi ka lang ina kundi matalik ko ding kaibigan.

Salamat ma, nasasabi ko sa’yo ano mang tumatakbo sa magulo kong isip at sa ‘di malamang dahilan, kumakalma ito at nagiging masaya ulit. Boses mo pa lang, musika na na nagpapagaan ng aking pakiramdam. Salamat, salamat sa taglay mong mahika – ang walang katumbas na pagmamahal.
Maraming bagay man ang magbago, maraming tao man ang dumating at umalis sa buhay ko, ikaw lang mananatiling forever ko. Habangbuhay akong magpapasalamat sa Diyos dahil ibinigay niya sakin ang walang katumbas na regalo – ikaw yun ma. Dahil sa’yo, nakaramdam ako ng masidhing pagmamahal. Asahan mo, hindi ko ‘to pagdadamot. Ibabahagi ko ‘to gaya ng turo mo. Mahal na mahal kita. ❤️

Nagmamahal,

Ang iyong Panganay at Weirdung Anak

…………

Perfect lyrics for Mother’s love:

When the world is unkind

And your dreams they need more time

I’ll be there for you

If the rules they keep breakin’

And the future is fadin’

I’ll be there for you

The rainbow will end in the palm of your hand

Don’t ever let it go

When the stars won’t shine anymore

I’ll be there.

🌱

Home

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

We always crave for the presence of home.

 
A cozy feeling of belonging to something. A constant longing for something that will always bring you peace and comfort. Something that is hard to find in this very loud world filled with people who seem to never stop talking and failed to stop and just really listen.

 
Throughout the years of living here on this not-so-easy world, I came to realized that home is not necessary a place. It’s actually a ‘feeling’, a constant yearning of beautiful things. A family that will always be there to love and care for you, a best friend who will still love you even if you’re sad and miserable, a song that will always reminds you of that one summer time in the car where you’re almost happy you can’t stop singing (that part where we sung it in chorus, together with my siblings), an all time favorite movie that never fails to give you every sort of emotions and always awakens the hopeless romantic in you. It’s easy to overlook these ‘feelings’ because they’re very much familiar but it is when you’re all alone at night that you can’t help but to appreciate those times.

That’s why today I want to associate ‘home’ to ‘live in the moment’ because I always failed to accomplish that part of my life. I think, when you’re more appreciative and thankful of what you have now in your life, sooner or later everything will just make perfect sense. As what the quote said, ‘just fill your life with good stuffs, one at a time’ and soon enough it will be full enough there will never be room for anything bad in your life.

Just can’t wait for that day when I already found what I’m looking for, that I will find my home but hey self, just try to slow down and just enjoy every moment you have right now because basically, you will also miss this someday.

You will get there someday. *Reminding myself again because of how forgetful I am*

I want to fall in love.


So as I’m scrolling on my Tumblr a while ago, I came across these beautiful phrases that very much explains my idea of falling in love. And here’s my take: 

This, this is exactly the right kind of falling in love. Sometimes, people will never ever understand the range of emotions that is happening inside your head and they would just assume things in their own kind of thinking. Often people say, you just gotta let down your walls, there’s no perfect kind of love, girl. But I know that all you want is a love that is so simple that you will not second guess the other person’s intention. Genuineness. Compassion. Passion. A love that appreciate the little things, the things oftentimes overlooks by humans. So, is that much of a thing? Love is never a complicated thing Jannin, the people makes love a complicated one. 

So here it is. 

I want to fall in love. 
When I say this, I mean it in the deepest and most intricate way possible. I am a romantic at heart. Since forever, I’ve watched romances and read love stories, and since forever, an intense yearning has burned in my heart.

I want to fall in love.

I cannot stand the way relationships work in society today. We text, we don’t even go on a date before you ask me out, and then you expect me to kiss you, and the expectations just keep growing. Where is the romance? Where is the love? I don’t want a mere relationship.

I want to fall in love.

What happened to long letters and Polaroid pictures; what happened to shyly peeking at one another through the shelves of an old bookstore? What happened to nervous laughter, to first dates where we start out full of anxiety and wind up sitting in the diner talking until closing time about the world and our dreams and everything in between? What happened to shy smiles and sweaty palms and holding hands and I’m not even that cold but you’re wrapping your jacket around my shoulders anyway? What happened to blushing confessions and sweet first kisses and taking things slow? What happened to falling in love?

I want to fall in love.

I do not want to dive head first into the sad excuse that society calls love today. I want you to spend time with me and talk with me for hours and respect me and tell me your dreams. I want you to throw pebbles at my window at 3AM because you know I’m awake and you miss me. I don’t want jewelry and new clothes; I want flowers you picked from the side of the road because they’re my favorite and as soon as you saw them, you just had to stop the car for them. I want a cute little stuffed animal you saw in the store and bought because koalas remind you of me and it was only a dollar and you just had to give it to me. I want cute little sticky notes placed in my books because you know I overwhelm myself and seeing them will make me relax and take a breath. I want to write you a million letters and take a million pictures of you and of us. I want to trace the lines of your hands with my fingertips like the map of our future until I know the paths by heart. I want to curl up late at night with only the light of the lamp and you next to me as we take turns reading aloud to one another and you fall asleep to the sound of my voice. I want the soft things, the sweet things, the gentle things, the little things. 

I want to fall in love.

And when I know all of the small things about you, and when I’ve begun to enjoy your company even more than my own, and when I cannot count the times we’ve laughed together on both hands, and when the constant sense of loneliness that plagues my heart begins to fade, and when I finally begin to truly trust you and try my hardest to open up to you, you’ll begin to understand what I mean when I say

That I want to fall in love.

…….

P.S.: Credits to the writer of this (on Tumblr) and so does the photo used in this post. 🌱

Matalik na Kaibigan

Sa aking matalik na kaibigan.

Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nagpapasalamat na nakilala ko ang isang taong tulad mo. Kasing puti ng porselena ang kutis mo at ganoon din naman kabusilak ang puso mo.

Alam kong ang landas na tinatahak natin ngayon ay hindi madali at maraming tao ang susubok ng ating katatagan sa mga bagay-bagay. Napakaraming pwedeng magpalungkot at magpahina ng ating marupok na puso ngunit eto ang napagtanto ko, na hinding-hindi tayo ihihintong magmahal at magparaya. Siguro ganun na talaga gawa ang puso natin. Kaya nagpapasalamat ako sapagkat iisa lang ang may gawa neto at ang Diyos ‘yon. Kaya eto ang payo ko sayo mahal kong kaibigan, ibigin mo ang sarili mo at pangalagaan. Mahal na mahal ka ng Diyos at pangalawa ang pamilya mo at ako. Alam kong napakacorny nito pero kung paraan ito para kahit paano ay maibsan ang kalungkutang nakapalupot sayo ngayon, pwes hayaan mong ipagpatuloy ko ito.

Alam ko, minsan ang ating iniisip ay mapanlinlang. Pwede ka nitong lunurin at paisiping hindi mo kakayanin. Pero alam ko din, na isa kang matapang na tagapagdigma ng isip at alam kong malalampasan mo ito ng buong puso, minsan kailangan mo lang maging positibo kahit napakahirap nitong gawin. Kaya hayaan mong alayan kita ng isa na namang corning tula. Sa totoo lang, hindi nga din ako sigurado kung ito nga ba’y maituturing na tula. Kaya eto na.

Sa paghahanap.

Sa paghahanap matatagpuan ang iyong inaasam. ‘Sing lalim man ito ng banging hindi mahagip at mawari, ngunit makakamtam kung my katangi-tanging pagmamay-ari.

Pusong busilak na handang gawin ang lahat makamtam lang ang nais. Hindi man materyal na bagay, sapagkat alam nating ito’y paghahabol lang sa hangin.

Ang makaramdam ng pagmamahal ang pinakamasayang tunguhin at makamtam, sapagkat dito ika’y makakakuha ng lakas na pangsabak sa araw-araw na pasanin. Ngunit ito’y hindi maituturing na pasanin kung ito’y ginagawa ng buong puso at damdamin.

At dito’y nagkakaroon ng saysay, ng silbi ang buhay at masasabi mong kaysarap pa rin naman pala talagang mabuhay. At kahit man hindi mo alam lahat ng sagot sa marami mong tanong sa buhay, ito lang ang mahalaga. Araw-araw may natutunan ka at balang araw, hindi mo namamalayan, buo ka na. Buong-buo ka na.

Kaya ngayon pa lang, binabati na kita. Kaya mo yan. Kinaya mo yan at patuloy mong kinakaya yan. 🌱

P.S.: Miss na miss na kita lalo na ang mga kwentuhan nating sing weirdo ng mga bituin sa langit.