Admiring.


Admiring you from afar

Is what I always do best.

You have so much bravery in you

I think it looks good on you.

Our little conversations

Somehow that strong connection

Will never grow old until now.

Your kindness, great sense of humor

Is what makes you stand with the rest.

It makes you 

The most handsome guy 

in the whole universe.

Thank you for our little conversation

Somehow I have a glimpse 

In your day to day living.

I admire you

And forever will be I guess.

Even if it means

I’m not the one for you

And I know that’s for the best.

I’m writing about you 

And I know you will never see this

But at least, in another time

I will remember how you made me feel. 

Random poem for a not-so-random guy.  🌱

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Everything heals.

Every cells in our body are design to help us heal, for us to recover from whatever wound or pain we are experiencing right now and will be experiencing in the near future. The white blood cells, one of the most vital composition of blood, are like soldiers who are always on the go when infection or open wound happens. They’re called the first line of defense. Just a little bit of science, lol. Well, I just realized in that little chemistry how important we are to God because he’ll do whatever it takes for us to get away from whatever pain we are experiencing. And I still don’t get it up to now why people still blame God when something bad happens to them. Especially if it’s beyond their control. Nevertheless, it feels good to know that there’s God who’s ready enough to accept our flaws and who will always ready enough to heal us. Everytime. I repeat, everytime and everyday. It’s a secured assurance that he’ll literally catch us everytime we fall. I always love the idea of that. 

What I want to point out is that all of us will experience pain. Every sort of pain. Physically, emotionally, mentally. We’ll go through all that phases of our lives because we are humans, whether we like it or not, each of us will hurt each other (aware or not). As what Bob Marley said, you just got to find the ones worth suffering for.



But the sure thing about pain is that it doesn’t last long. It’s temporary. Temporary for the simple reason that everything heals. Everything will heal and all things takes time. You’re currently hurting right now but it doesn’t mean that it will stay there forever. Yes, maybe, it will leave a mark, a scar that will give you enough reason to give up in love, in life, in everything. But, mind you, if you look life in a different perspective, you will see silverlining in every pain you will experience. It will not just make you strong but when you experienced, feel deeply, appreciate every pain in your heart, you will realise how much you have grown as a person. You become an elastic band, you develop resilience towards life. You have that new found understanding about life that not all things you’ve planned goes along your way. And you have to be more patient and forgiving about it, to yourself and others because that’s the only thing you can learn about life. 

Let me share to you one of my favourite line from my favourite movie A Walk to Remember, “without suffering there will be no compassion”. Suffering is expected, a part of being a human being, but what you get from suffering, ‘compassion’ is something incredible. You developed compassion towards other people because you feel the pain they’re experiencing (because it already happened to you). It grows in you and comes naturally to you. 

So I repeat, whatever pain you’re experiencing right now, always remember that everything heals. And always carry with you the lesson you learned from that, and that will make your life from ordinary to naturally extraordinary because you choose your life. You choose to let pain change you, for the better. 🌿

P.S.: While writing this, I’m not currently hurting inside. It’s just that the idea just pop in my mind and I feel the urge to write this. 

“Not everyone has a heart like yours.”

I heard/seen this quote more often nowadays.

And…

I kind of get this right now. Before, I always question myself why humans act in such a way that conform to them, base on how they would respond with the way they’re being treated by others. And it always saddens me that there are people who just love the idea of taking advantage of kind souls.

And you’re blessed enough if you encounter people who are naturally kindhearted.

But, I also accepted the idea that not everyone in this whole white world (or I mean in this technicolor world) will have a heart like mine. Not that I say I am 100% kind-ish person but I like the idea of treating others fairly, the exact words are, ‘gusto kong ipafeel that there’s someone out there na kusangloob na tumulong, na magbigay pansin. Kasi madalas, masyado tayong nakafocus sa sarili nating mundo na nakakalimutan nating may mga tao na pala tayo nasasaktan.’ I don’t want to be that person. Never. As in.

And then there’s that saying that if you’re good to me, I will treat you right. If you done anything bad to me, I will also do something bad to you. In short, revenge. I really hate that concept. I know, it’s their pride telling them that they’ve been hurt or treated bad that’s why they would also do something to hurt that person back. I think it is immature and at the same time it’s plain selfishness because it will just worsen the situation. That’s when I also realised that friendship, may it be long or short term, will automatically crashed/broken when pride is highlighted and compromising is not even considered. Love is no longer there.

And I just want to continue what I have started. Wow, akala mo naman kung anong sinimulan ni Ateng. But seriously, if there’s only one thing I want me to be remembered by people, is how much I’ve made an impact in their lives. I like the idea of it. That they remember me because I am kind and because of me they become a better person, not because I am pretty (I know I’m not, this one is just completely joke) or because I have a good job (again, this is not true and this is just example). In short, I don’t want to be remember as someone superficial. I always want to be remember as someone who has heart on everything. Big or small.

So here are my little bits of realization about this topic:

Not everyone will get along with you and it’s okay. Not everyone will get your personality because it is accepted only by few. Not everyone will understand that helping others makes you feel good about yourself, so continue doing so. Not everyone will have a heart ready to listen to people’s stories, continue still. Not everyone will be like you and if you ever find souls that completely jinks with your attitude and personality, keep them because they’re so rare like diamonds. Hard to find but last forever.

And lastly, continue to infect others with your beautiful soul, you may never know who you’re inspiring.

I will leave you with this quote by John Green, “I will get forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter—maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.”

🌿

Photographs

Timeless things
They captured everything
From the innocence of childhood
To the joyfulness of youth.
What’s good about this is
will give you countless ideas
Of a moment
Otherwise gone and forgotten
It will bring you back at that exact moment
Of happiness and of sadness
Even a person with Alzheimer’s
Will surely remember.
I love photographs
They contain unscripted smiles
And contagious laughters
Of childhood I miss
Of people I want to reconnect with
Of places I want to visit again
Of moments I know will not happen again.
So everytime something
Captured my eyes,
I grab my phone and snap it
Right away, anywhere.
It’s like my mind tells me that
‘Go, because it may not happen again!’
That’s the story
Why I’m a person addicted to photographs,
Mind you, it’s not selfies.
But memories that will surely stay
As long as I could remember.

……

Everyone has ‘baggage’

Growing old, understanding human nature and behaviours. I’ve come to the realization that everyone experienced this. Come to think of it, everyday we are figuring ourselves, we are losing ourselves sometimes because as we all know, life is pretty much not perfect. We will experienced failures, disappointments, discouragement that we start to develop these different sort of ‘baggage’. Life is indeed a ‘Great, Extraordinary Unknown.’

Baggage.

It will not always be the same but everyone has that. Every person became who they are right now because of the things they’ve experienced before and I think it is one of the greatest wonders of being human. You can’t really grasp the intentions and what’s inside the heart and mind that’s why sometimes a person judge another person base on how he/she perceive him/her.

And the good thing there is, we can always be kind, we can always be gentle with people. There are those who really are strong in nature that we thought, this person is really tough, but deep inside we didn’t know that he/she is already hurting. We didn’t know what the person is going through. Someone is suffering from depression, we may not know it. Someone had just lost a loved one, we may not know it. Someone experienced their first heartbreak, we may not know it. Someone may think they’ve been taken for granted and feel unloved, we may not know it.

So it’s not that hard to show kindness to people because everybody deserves to be treated the way they would feel loved. The way they should really be treated. When we realized that each one of us has ‘baggage’ and assume that all of us grows in different ways, in that little way, we put something beautiful in the world. Not only we make someone feel better, we also help ourselves to be more compassionate, more loving and the byproduct? We ourselves become the better person.

And then we grow. Then we are able to face difficult and unpredictable storms in life. We become resilient. We beautify the world.

Isn’t it beautiful? Kindness and understanding goes a long way. So never underestimate it. 🙂

Nostalgia

I turned on the song Noel Cabangon’s Kanlungan and memories just automatically flashes back on my subconscious mind. This song is about reminiscing gold old times, remembering how simple it is to live back then, when people are really living in the moment not living with a cellphone in their hands. How time really flies.

I will always consider my childhood as my ‘happy place’, because that’s where almost my genuinely, excited, jolly self originated. I can’t think of how many times I miss it (I think everyone does also) and how I miss my old self where everything feels real and happy at the same time. And now I find it hard to go back to that jolly, carefree child because of the pressure of being an adult already. So do you want to know how much I miss it? I don’t know if I can put that to words because the memories that built inside my head is so rich and profound, it’s like one of those treasures that you keep on holding on for like, forever and you keep on opening it (like a treasure box) whenever life throws you thousands (I know I’m just exaggerating it) of challenges that you can’t seem to grasp or comprehend. And this is one of those moments where I am opening that precious treasure of all, my childhood. What do you like most of your childhood? Mine’s compose of Filipino games I am proud I played back then. Playing endless street games: patintero, tumbang preso, chinese garter, cards, jackstones, piko and etc. And then coming home dirty and all. Although the aftermath there is a sure angry lecture from mother about proper hygiene and how it’s so hard to wash dirty uniforms. I smile whenever I remembered those times and I’m happy that I lived on a generation where you’re actually got to experience what is like to be a child. Carefree and genuinely happy. And then those childhood friends where you get to play it with almost everything, like you’ll build a house out of used rice sacks and old boxes and then feeling satisfied after building it (especially that it does stand on its own, that’s when you’ll realize you made your own bahay-bahayan). Then you get to experience what nature can offer because you need ‘food’ in order for your bahay bahayan to be called a home, you’ll find different wildflowers and leaves. It’s funny because you become resourceful and you can randomnly find used cans and made it as cooking utensils. *Sigh*. How I just miss it. How come the things that makes us happy cannot stay there forever. Like biking in a hill with plants and grass and you just smell the scent of fresh air. Like creating colorful kites and trying to fly it in a field and that satisfaction on your face where you can see your kite flying flowly in the air. Simple but unforgettable moments.

Dearest Childhood,

I can’t express how much happiness you gave me. I may think like a real adult right now but there’s just times where I wish I could go back there and be with you again. I miss me when I’m with you. I miss having so much fun like there’s no tomorrow. Like I will not think of something bad will happen after I experienced extreme euphoria. Now I always think it that way. But anyways, even though you’re already a memory to me now, I am extremely grateful that I got to really experienced feeling infinite and genuinely happy. Maybe I will not experience it again but if God’s will that He will bless me with a child, I will do my outmost effort to show him/her the very essence of being a child. Being in the moment. Enjoying every little thing. Happiness in simplest things. And I would like to be one of his/her playmate. I’m quite excited actually. ‘Til then.

-Jannin

Beach: to connect and reconnect

Working away from home is hard and it’s even harder for me because I just miss the beach so much. Not only the foods that I always crave for, cheap but delicious pork barbeques, freshly cooked oysters, sweet squids filled with tomatoes, blue marlin sinigang and the ever delicious diwal soup. And then with some soft local songs with the ocean breeze caressing our well being, I just couldn’t ask for moments like that. I’m currently missing that now.

The beach has always been and forever will be a part of my weird life. Back when I was a child, I always felt ecstatic when my parents would say, ‘We’ll go the beach! Prepare your things.” Those magical words are enough to put us on a good mood for the rest of day and that also means putting ourselves on charcoal-like skins, which we don’t really care actually. That’s the perks of being a child because we don’t really care how we look afterwards but how we will enjoy ourselves, how we feel deep down inside. Walking and running barefoot on the sands, feeling the waves massaging our tiresome feet, seeing different kinds of shells and bringing it home, writing random names on the sand (and even childhood crush, yes very much guilty) Those little things sums up my idea of a perfect and simple beach life.

And then years comes by so fast and suddenly I realized I am no longer a child, that I am close enough of being an adult. Which make it a lot scary just thinking about it. Well that makes me appreciate the beach even more. Not that I go there to swim, I go there to think about many things in life. With my best friend. We usually talk about life, our future, our chaos, our fears, even our future with our soon to be lovers (which are all pure imagination) and anything and everything that no other human being can ignite those kind of conversations, wonderfully weird but also deep and sensible, only with my best friend.  I just love those moments, those random but content worthy kind of conversations will always be my thing. The beach had seen it all. My accomplishment. My triumphs. My sadness. My disappointments. And all the other good and not so good things that had happened to me and as well as that of my best friend. I’m just thankful to God for creating the beach, not only because it is perfect for an instagram worthy shot or a perfect cover photo for Facebook (though it is currently my cover photo, ooops) but because it will make you feel things, it will make you think things. Deeper than the sea itself. And I think there’s nothing more loveable than that.

 It makes you humble but also strong, passionate but soft, contented and full of hope, just like the endless flow of waves. Things I will not be tired thinking, especially right now that I am lying in bed, imagining that I can hear the sound of the waves even if I should be probably sleeping. But I’m just happy I am able to wrote what I feel inside.