Deep conversations and anything.

I really can’t find the right words to say today. I am currently missing my best friend right now, although we’ve been together just these past few days.

I am terribly missing our late night conversations that turns to life’s realizations and adult type discussion. It’s funny to think that we really are adults now and thinking about it feels like a dream because we used to talked about this kind of phase before and now we are already in this phase. It’s scary but also wonderful and exciting! The hours, days, weeks, months and years that had gone just came by so fast. In a blink of an eye, everything is different, everything had changed. And without us noticing it, we ourselves are also changing (but it’s a beautiful kind of changing) Our perspectives in life and what we value changes over time that makes us who we are now which I am kind of proud by the way.

And one important thing there, time really waits for no one. We can either enjoy it or waste it. It’s funny to think because when we’re young we used to spend all our time outdoors and we used to get mad on our parents (especially to our mother) if they want us to go home already. We used to get mad on them telling us to go to bed early because frankly speaking, sleep is very vital to a child’s growth. And we oftentimes neglected it. And now that we are adults already, how we love to be home, always. We are excited to go to work early because we are also excited to go home early, to just relax and do nothing. And oh how we love sleep! The things that we taken for granted when we are still a kid are the things we treasured today, irony of life. So, me and my best friend have one important realization during her stay here, that although we have so many excuses like, ‘time is just fast these days’ or that ‘I can’t believe August is coming to an end already’ that all we could do is to make the most of the time we have here in earth and make it as wonderful as we want it to be. So we promise to ourselves to be present, to live in the moment ‘cause we always failed to do that part of our life. We are always anxious about the future, of what it will turn out without realizing that there’s this thing called ‘present’ that we need to enjoy.

Right now, I have a more clearer outlook about the future. Thank you best friend for allowing me to see sunshine and sunsets when all I could think of are clouds and thunderstorms. This post is also for you for being such a selfless, kindhearted, sensitive (in a good way) and a very, very strong woman whom I totally adored. I am extremely proud of the person that you become and will be in the near future. I know there are days that you feel like you’re not good enough but believe me when I say that you’re very much special, that you’re such a beautiful human being (outside and most especially inside) full of capabilities and someone who wants nothing but the best for her loved ones. By the way, that’s what makes you even more beautiful, of how much love you are willing to give to your parents and siblings. You have your own unique way of helping other people, which makes you even more lovable. No wonder people loves to be with you. Thank you for inspiring me to love life even more and to look to the future with so much excitement, hope and joy. You’re very much appreciated.

Konting kembot na lang! We are good to go. Hehe.

Always remember, ‘the right people are timeless’ and I am blessed enough to have a few and one of it is you.

🌱

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‘Gratitude List’

How are you there?

Actually I promise to start writing my own ‘Gratitude Diary’ in a notebook but I prefer to just write whatever that I’m thinking right now. Here. So no pressure.

You know what? I’m always scared of the future, of what it will turned out in the end. I think that’s my number one weakness, I live most of my life in fear. But I realized just this day, during all the busyness of the day’s work, that I became less weak and a little more stronger now. In the past, when things are not in my control anymore, I often resort to crying (that’s my outlet) and just feeling sorry for myself (please, don’t do this to yourself) But right now, I noticed that things doesn’t give me that much effect and it made me into something that I never thought would existed on me. I am somehow proud of myself because of that *taps on my own shoulder*. I still have that fear inside me but I think it’s a different kind of fear because right now, it’s more beneficial. Just like how mild anxiety is good for a person taking a heavy written exam. I’m looking life right now in a more positive way, which rarely happens to me that’s why I’m very much thankful that it is happening.

So that’s number one on my ‘Gratitide list’.

Be fearless, strong enough but still with a golden heart.

Another thing that I am thankful for today is that we have a short but meaningful conversation with best friend. We just reminisced the time we are eating kwek-kwek and fish balls (traditional Filipino street foods) in the bay and just talk about our goals and aspiration in life. I love the fact that she’s the only person here on earth who can understand and support my dreams, even how weird they may look for others. That’s when I knew she really is my best friend, she just understand it all. We also talk about how resilient we are now and how proud we are for each other’s emotional accomplishments (yes, because we are just deeply feeling, weird type of people) because before, we have our different set of fears which we think we’ve conquered now (actually not all but it’s better than none, right?) This actually made my day. To my best friend, I love you to bits and pieces.

I actually don’t know how this whole post will turn out but I am just grateful that Jason Mraz released a new album! My favorite song from the album is ‘Let’s See What The Night Can Do’ which is perfect for night long drives with no exact destination. I actually want to experience it even for just once in my life (I’ll be writing that to my bucket list)

And… lastly. I am just thankful, that here I am, breathing and living and smiling. And that part where my best friend said ‘I am excited with what the future holds for us’ I don’t know but it made me hopeful. I’m just smiling and I think about all the beautiful possibilities that awaits us and it makes me feel grand and infinite (stealing lines from The Perks of being a Wallflower), that I can still achieve anything I put my mind into. It’s all about perspective.

Thank you God for a wonderful life, can’t wait for what you have in store for me and for my best friend. I promise I’ll cooperate and will always appreciate. 🌱

Appreciate life, appreciate someone’s struggle.

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To my 21st self. Suddenly, I miss you. When did things go wrong? All the enthusiasm about life suddenly fades away. Honestly speaking, I want to go back to you, where everything felt like a dream. Those were the times where you felt like you can achieve everything, that everything make perfect sense. You know what? My goal this past few months is to slowly come back to you, not the childishness that accompanies it, but the enthusiasm and passion in achieving something great, no not great but wonderful. I know those two words are synonymous but I feel like wonderful is more humble than great. Okay, enough with the weirdness!
Sometimes.

Sometimes I felt like fading but I also realized something today. That even though I have personal struggles (who doesn’t, right?) I am still blessed. I just recently discovered that someone I know is battling from chronic kidney disease, actually to be specific it’s already end stage renal disease (ESRD) which means he needs dialysis for the rest of his life or his last option will be to undergo kidney transplant. But of course, the latter is costly and not to mention very risky. It’s sad to know that he is experiencing it right now, like mapapaisip ka talaga minsan na, of all people ba’t siya pa? It’s one of life’s mystery actually, that bad things sometimes happens to good people. He is someone I know who has strong faith to Jehovah but on the brighter side of that, his faith will be even more stronger because I know he will continue to rely all his life to Him. 101%. Not to mention the people whom he will inspire more (including me) because of how much love he has for Jehovah, despite of course of the health issues that accompanies life.

It also saddens me that someone has to be ill so that you will appreciate what life can offer you today. Yes, I am very much guilty with this. Right now, I feel like a very selfish person for feeling these different sorts of emotions, not knowing that someone is in much pain than I am. Physically and emotionally. Actually millions of people are suffering today and I hope the touching hands of Jehovah will reach every soul and heal them. I can somehow feel their pain.

And I know all I can do right now (aside from feeling sorry) is to pray for that person and to just make the most of the time I have here in the world and just make it as wonderful as I imagine it to be. No regrets. Also, making it useful by helping and inspiring other people the best way that I can.


It’s inevitable, all the things that are happening in our lives and will happen in the future but it is also a reminder for us to keep on striving, to keep on living a purposeful life because simply for the reason that someone right now just badly need to live and breathe.

🌱

Road Less Traveled 

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“A life with love is a life that’s been lived.” – Supermarket Flowers
Good morning!
It’s past 8 in the morning (it’s actually my sleeping time because my work is graveyard shift this month) but here I am, still awake, contemplating about life while John Mayer’s instrumental ‘The Search for Everything’ plays in the background. And then I remembered the scribble thoughts I wrote in my notebook and I busied myself scrolling and reading it, again. It’s actually a ‘30 Day Writing Challenge’ and day 9 has a description like this: post some words of wisdom that highly speaks to you. I did like what I wrote here although at first I have no intention of sharing my thoughts here because for two reasons: 1.) It really is just plain/simple, nothing special and 2.) It’s a personal thing and sharing it is like exposing your self to be more vulnerable. But then again, I realized that it is for inspiring purposes so why not share ( I think I explained too much) So enough, here it is:

Life really is a big jungle. You don’t know what’s there to see. You don’t know if the path you will choose will makes its way to something wonderful; sometimes it’s the other way around. That even though there are things that didn’t happened exactly as you want them to be doesn’t mean it has the capacity to destroy you. You can choose just one, to be strong or continue being weak. Please choose to be strong because you will bring that lesson every time you face unexpected things that will break you.

The world and it’s accompanying chaos is nothing when we choose to be better than we are yesterday. There are times when you feel like everyone around you seems right but it doesn’t necessarily means its true. Believe in yourself and your capabilities and just focus on bettering yourself. You will be proud of the person you become someday, just believe. 

 

It really is just simple but it made me rethink of my thoughts about ‘The Road Less Traveled’. Yes, it is a poem by Mr. Robert Frost. Over the years, this poem grows with me and it made my early 20s somehow bearable. Thanks for this Robert Frost *silently winks*. I can say I am still living that poem until now and will continue for the rest of my life until I finally found my purpose in life. Sounds very cliche, I know.

And right now, I came to think of it as something more matured, maybe because I also aged. That choosing a ‘Road Less Traveled’ means accepting changes and accepting that there are parts of you that are ugly but you choose to accept it as they are but you don’t dwell on that either. That a ‘Road Less Traveled’ means choosing a path that seem impossible to achieve but you still have that one small leap of hope that you can still achieve it no matter what. That it’s about that dream that only you and God silently negotiated and that no matter what happen, He will forever be your number one supporter through all your life’s endeavours (Proverbs 3:5,6) As what the last line of the poem said, ‘I choose the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference’, that I think will make all the difference, of us relying into Him no matter where we are in life, what we do, what we will choose to be because in the end, he will be the one who will direct all our paths straight and it will never be regretful after all. Because if we choose him and will continue choosing him, we choose to live, we choose life.

Admiring.


Admiring you from afar

Is what I always do best.

You have so much bravery in you

I think it looks good on you.

Our little conversations

Somehow that strong connection

Will never grow old until now.

Your kindness, great sense of humor

Is what makes you stand with the rest.

It makes you 

The most handsome guy 

in the whole universe.

Thank you for our little conversation

Somehow I have a glimpse 

In your day to day living.

I admire you

And forever will be I guess.

Even if it means

I’m not the one for you

And I know that’s for the best.

I’m writing about you 

And I know you will never see this

But at least, in another time

I will remember how you made me feel. 

Random poem for a not-so-random guy.  🌱

Everything heals.

Every cells in our body are design to help us heal, for us to recover from whatever wound or pain we are experiencing right now and will be experiencing in the near future. The white blood cells, one of the most vital composition of blood, are like soldiers who are always on the go when infection or open wound happens. They’re called the first line of defense. Just a little bit of science, lol. Well, I just realized in that little chemistry how important we are to God because he’ll do whatever it takes for us to get away from whatever pain we are experiencing. And I still don’t get it up to now why people still blame God when something bad happens to them. Especially if it’s beyond their control. Nevertheless, it feels good to know that there’s God who’s ready enough to accept our flaws and who will always ready enough to heal us. Everytime. I repeat, everytime and everyday. It’s a secured assurance that he’ll literally catch us everytime we fall. I always love the idea of that. 

What I want to point out is that all of us will experience pain. Every sort of pain. Physically, emotionally, mentally. We’ll go through all that phases of our lives because we are humans, whether we like it or not, each of us will hurt each other (aware or not). As what Bob Marley said, you just got to find the ones worth suffering for.



But the sure thing about pain is that it doesn’t last long. It’s temporary. Temporary for the simple reason that everything heals. Everything will heal and all things takes time. You’re currently hurting right now but it doesn’t mean that it will stay there forever. Yes, maybe, it will leave a mark, a scar that will give you enough reason to give up in love, in life, in everything. But, mind you, if you look life in a different perspective, you will see silverlining in every pain you will experience. It will not just make you strong but when you experienced, feel deeply, appreciate every pain in your heart, you will realise how much you have grown as a person. You become an elastic band, you develop resilience towards life. You have that new found understanding about life that not all things you’ve planned goes along your way. And you have to be more patient and forgiving about it, to yourself and others because that’s the only thing you can learn about life. 

Let me share to you one of my favourite line from my favourite movie A Walk to Remember, “without suffering there will be no compassion”. Suffering is expected, a part of being a human being, but what you get from suffering, ‘compassion’ is something incredible. You developed compassion towards other people because you feel the pain they’re experiencing (because it already happened to you). It grows in you and comes naturally to you. 

So I repeat, whatever pain you’re experiencing right now, always remember that everything heals. And always carry with you the lesson you learned from that, and that will make your life from ordinary to naturally extraordinary because you choose your life. You choose to let pain change you, for the better. 🌿

P.S.: While writing this, I’m not currently hurting inside. It’s just that the idea just pop in my mind and I feel the urge to write this.