The Light that Never Fades


Sometimes it may seem dull

That you can’t find your light

Your shining star

But when you look from above

Who made the stars

The heavens, the constellations 

You will see His light

Sparkling so bright.

Sometimes you feel lost

That all you could think of is your loss

But when you close your eyes

And speaks to Him with all your soul

You will find comfort you long

Which makes you feel grand and humble.

That’s the time

When you wouldn’t feel all alone

Cause He alone is enough

To supplement your thirsty soul.

….

– Isaiah 41:10 

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Living Life as an Introvert

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I’m always been the weird kid even back then. The quiet one, the ugly duckling, the one who doesn’t usually have so many friends. The one who doesn’t participate in extracurricular activities because I’m the most awkward student ever existed. The one who’s heart is pounding loudly when reportings are suddenly decided by the teachers. Did I just sabotage myself?

In short, I live most of my life having this personality. Some may like us but majority doesn’t.

And I’m not quite shy about that because I’m proud to be one.

But.

I think most of the time we are always misunderstood. People normally doesn’t want to talk to us because we really are one of the most awkward types of people ever. And it takes a tremendous amount of time to really get to know us, because we can’t open up our life right away to someone. You need to gain our trust so in return, we can give ours. Pretty tricky, right? But, when you really get to know us, we will surely give our enormous effort to appreciate you, in short, we will value deep and sensible friendship that had built with someone who sincerely appreciates us for who we are, for what we have to offer.

And our personality? We feel too much in everything and we are the most empathetic people you could ever meet (is that sounds boastful?) and most of the time, we are ready to lend our ears for someone who wants to confess everything they don’t want in life, in short if they have problems. Most of the time, someone always do the talking and all we have to do is listen (and we love that). But the exciting part there is when an extrovert or ambivert will feel in their hearts that introverts just want also to share their sentiments about life too. Deep stuffs, frankly speaking. And that’s the time where you really will get to know us deeper, and you will just realized in the end how talkative we are (as long as it’s about life, galaxies, mind, religion, and other intangible but important things). No small talks, please! Lol. That’s the time when we would feel comfortable with you and you will see our weird side gradually becoming even more clearer and clearer (which is our normal state actually, for your information)

We’re not socially acceptable but our minds don’t stop talking. There are always scenarios in our heads and what ifs and possibilities and hopes for the future. We usually are over thinkers because we value life so much and our future. Most of the time, you may see us staring nowhere. You may think it’s weird (actually it is) but it is our way of surviving through life. Because it’s very hard for us to express all our thoughts verbally, you often find us having journals and writing blogs. Mostly our daily ramblings towards life and all that encompasses it. We also love art so much. When we appreciate someone, we don’t usually post it on Facebook or Instagram to prove to the world that we appreciate them but we usually make handwritten letters and cards for them. That we believe, last a lifetime more than the material things oftentimes given by almost all humans.

We crave for the presence of people but also needs a ‘me time’ most of the time. Our energy goes low when so much stimuli had entered our mind (especially when there’s special occasion with so much unknown people talking to us for the first time). We become overwhelmed and that’s where the comfort room is literally a comfort for us (lol) and a huge help for our social life because we can escape the reality we are facing with ambiverts and extroverts. And then we are recharged again.

It’s actually pretty hard to be an introvert but at the same time rewarding because we choose who we want to associate with. And because we choose who we want to associate with, usually our friendship last for years and it’s one of the most important aspect for the life of an introvert. We value quality more than quantity and that makes our life less toxic and more meaningful. That part, I extremely believe.

So.

Go and approach an introvert, it maybe hard at first (or they may even withdraw) but if you keep on trying, it surely is worth every step of the way. Most of the time, we are just waiting to be approach by someone and then we’re good to go!

One thing is for sure, friendship will build and will surely be for everlasting. 🌿

“A book to read in a rainy day, a coffee in hand while you’re on your pajamas. Oh, what a beautiful definition of life it is for an introvert. It’s literally heaven on earth.”

A year older


It still doesn’t sink to me yet that I’m already 26 years of age. 

What exactly are my thoughts and feels about this age of mine? Well, I feel as though everyone expects and assumes that you’re matured enough, about life, about choices, about decisions (big or small). Like you really need to be independent enough, to rely on yourself on everything. Scary, right?

That’s why I’m still hanging on to 25 because I still feel like one. When I was around 18 or 19 I wanted to be an adult already, you know like I envision myself earning a degree already, passing the board exam, working abroad and paying back to my parents kind of thinking. And then I later realised that I’m already in that position and the big question there is am I happy? Partly yes and partly no. I can sum up my life right now as one, complete paradox. Everything’s contradicting but I consider this as positive, knowing change is involved. So it means I’m also emotionally growing (even though it’s not that obvious yet)

So even though 25 was gone, here’s my message to you:

Dearest 25, 

I just can’t believe you’re gone. It’s a bittersweet year isn’t it? Despite the personal struggles I’ve encountered this year, 25, I’m still grateful for you. You taught me how to be tough but at the same time, to not always take life seriously. You reminded me that anything important to you is worth fighting for. You reminded me that the sudden burst of melancholy that I feel sometimes will lessen just with a cup of coffee. I know, there are days like you don’t want to wake up, but then again there are days that reminded you why you’re still fighting. Because you have a dream, you want your heart to be filled with nothing but sweet victories and self discoveries. My advice to you is this, never forget how much of a worthy person you are, even though sometimes you tend to forget or disregard it. You have to realize that life doesn’t stop there, that you have to continue discovering who you are and what inspires you. I’m happy that despite all the things that you’ve been through and the people who constantly hurts you, still, having a heart of gold is never an option for you. It becomes a part of you and that I think, is the purest bravery of all. 

25, thank you for all the lesson learned and the friendship that had built.

And for you 26. I am excited to learn a lot of valuable lesson from you. I hope, I do hope, that you find yourself there and you will make more room for things that will contribute to your growth. I hope, you will have more courage to face this not-so-friendly world with a smile on your face because that’s what the meaning of life is. And lastly, I know life will throw you different sort of unfortunate and unexpected things that will make you bitter or disinterested about life, but I hope you wouldn’t turn to be one (I know you wouldn’t). Remember, when life seems to be unfair and it seems like the clouds will stay there for a while, you would be reminded how much you’re eager to reach your goals and it will not happen if you will dwell with things that makes you stubborn.

Always remain positive and hopeful, even though sometimes these two are the hardest to achieve. Try a little harder until that will become a part of you. Be like a wildflower, grow in all places, even in places you thought there’s no need to. Develop resilience towards life, just like how wildflowers grow even in chaotic places. 

Try to be really happy, the truest one.

🌿

Everything heals.

Every cells in our body are design to help us heal, for us to recover from whatever wound or pain we are experiencing right now and will be experiencing in the near future. The white blood cells, one of the most vital composition of blood, are like soldiers who are always on the go when infection or open wound happens. They’re called the first line of defense. Just a little bit of science, lol. Well, I just realized in that little chemistry how important we are to God because he’ll do whatever it takes for us to get away from whatever pain we are experiencing. And I still don’t get it up to now why people still blame God when something bad happens to them. Especially if it’s beyond their control. Nevertheless, it feels good to know that there’s God who’s ready enough to accept our flaws and who will always ready enough to heal us. Everytime. I repeat, everytime and everyday. It’s a secured assurance that he’ll literally catch us everytime we fall. I always love the idea of that. 

What I want to point out is that all of us will experience pain. Every sort of pain. Physically, emotionally, mentally. We’ll go through all that phases of our lives because we are humans, whether we like it or not, each of us will hurt each other (aware or not). As what Bob Marley said, you just got to find the ones worth suffering for.



But the sure thing about pain is that it doesn’t last long. It’s temporary. Temporary for the simple reason that everything heals. Everything will heal and all things takes time. You’re currently hurting right now but it doesn’t mean that it will stay there forever. Yes, maybe, it will leave a mark, a scar that will give you enough reason to give up in love, in life, in everything. But, mind you, if you look life in a different perspective, you will see silverlining in every pain you will experience. It will not just make you strong but when you experienced, feel deeply, appreciate every pain in your heart, you will realise how much you have grown as a person. You become an elastic band, you develop resilience towards life. You have that new found understanding about life that not all things you’ve planned goes along your way. And you have to be more patient and forgiving about it, to yourself and others because that’s the only thing you can learn about life. 

Let me share to you one of my favourite line from my favourite movie A Walk to Remember, “without suffering there will be no compassion”. Suffering is expected, a part of being a human being, but what you get from suffering, ‘compassion’ is something incredible. You developed compassion towards other people because you feel the pain they’re experiencing (because it already happened to you). It grows in you and comes naturally to you. 

So I repeat, whatever pain you’re experiencing right now, always remember that everything heals. And always carry with you the lesson you learned from that, and that will make your life from ordinary to naturally extraordinary because you choose your life. You choose to let pain change you, for the better. 🌿

P.S.: While writing this, I’m not currently hurting inside. It’s just that the idea just pop in my mind and I feel the urge to write this. 

Her thoughts 

And in the end, all she have is herself and her thoughts. 
Her thoughts are way more colorful than her actual life. She kind of understand that thought right now, that she’s contented in all that she is. She would just continue to add more color to her dull and boring life and someday it will just automatically blossoms to something she never expected. 

She would continue to be anything beautiful, not that of the outside, she would continue to shower positive thoughts in her mind. It will not be easy, it never was. There are days that she feels everything at the same time. Her thoughts are spinning into an endless whirlwind of emotions, like a nonstop carousel, like a rainbow without an end. A nonstop playing music box without any rhythm.

There will be days that she feels like laughing and laughing, because she’s happy. There will be days where all her energy is like Rose in Titanic, where she didn’t care about how people telling her how she should dance. The important is she’s happy, she’s contented. There will be days where all she could think of is how not good enough she is, and that she should reassure herself that it’s okay to feel that way. The important is, she’s feeling something. Is that more okay than not feeling at all? 
And she reminded herself (everyday) that it’s okay not be okay and she’s finally okay with that.

🌿