Living Life as an Introvert

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I’m always been the weird kid even back then. The quiet one, the ugly duckling, the one who doesn’t usually have so many friends. The one who doesn’t participate in extracurricular activities because I’m the most awkward student ever existed. The one who’s heart is pounding loudly when reportings are suddenly decided by the teachers. Did I just sabotage myself?

In short, I live most of my life having this personality. Some may like us but majority doesn’t.

And I’m not quite shy about that because I’m proud to be one.

But.

I think most of the time we are always misunderstood. People normally doesn’t want to talk to us because we really are one of the most awkward types of people ever. And it takes a tremendous amount of time to really get to know us, because we can’t open up our life right away to someone. You need to gain our trust so in return, we can give ours. Pretty tricky, right? But, when you really get to know us, we will surely give our enormous effort to appreciate you, in short, we will value deep and sensible friendship that had built with someone who sincerely appreciates us for who we are, for what we have to offer.

And our personality? We feel too much in everything and we are the most empathetic people you could ever meet (is that sounds boastful?) and most of the time, we are ready to lend our ears for someone who wants to confess everything they don’t want in life, in short if they have problems. Most of the time, someone always do the talking and all we have to do is listen (and we love that). But the exciting part there is when an extrovert or ambivert will feel in their hearts that introverts just want also to share their sentiments about life too. Deep stuffs, frankly speaking. And that’s the time where you really will get to know us deeper, and you will just realized in the end how talkative we are (as long as it’s about life, galaxies, mind, religion, and other intangible but important things). No small talks, please! Lol. That’s the time when we would feel comfortable with you and you will see our weird side gradually becoming even more clearer and clearer (which is our normal state actually, for your information)

We’re not socially acceptable but our minds don’t stop talking. There are always scenarios in our heads and what ifs and possibilities and hopes for the future. We usually are over thinkers because we value life so much and our future. Most of the time, you may see us staring nowhere. You may think it’s weird (actually it is) but it is our way of surviving through life. Because it’s very hard for us to express all our thoughts verbally, you often find us having journals and writing blogs. Mostly our daily ramblings towards life and all that encompasses it. We also love art so much. When we appreciate someone, we don’t usually post it on Facebook or Instagram to prove to the world that we appreciate them but we usually make handwritten letters and cards for them. That we believe, last a lifetime more than the material things oftentimes given by almost all humans.

We crave for the presence of people but also needs a ‘me time’ most of the time. Our energy goes low when so much stimuli had entered our mind (especially when there’s special occasion with so much unknown people talking to us for the first time). We become overwhelmed and that’s where the comfort room is literally a comfort for us (lol) and a huge help for our social life because we can escape the reality we are facing with ambiverts and extroverts. And then we are recharged again.

It’s actually pretty hard to be an introvert but at the same time rewarding because we choose who we want to associate with. And because we choose who we want to associate with, usually our friendship last for years and it’s one of the most important aspect for the life of an introvert. We value quality more than quantity and that makes our life less toxic and more meaningful. That part, I extremely believe.

So.

Go and approach an introvert, it maybe hard at first (or they may even withdraw) but if you keep on trying, it surely is worth every step of the way. Most of the time, we are just waiting to be approach by someone and then we’re good to go!

One thing is for sure, friendship will build and will surely be for everlasting. 🌿

“A book to read in a rainy day, a coffee in hand while you’re on your pajamas. Oh, what a beautiful definition of life it is for an introvert. It’s literally heaven on earth.”

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I Will Write

I will write only beautiful things
I will write anything that inspires me,
I will write a life I always want to be,
I will write with the eagerness that everything will be alright
I will write in such a way everyone around me will inspire
I will write with all my heart
I will write and wash away all the pain in my heart,
I will write things that makes me feel alive
I will write that there will never be room for regret in my heart
I will write and fill my life with beautiful symphony and melody

I will write until there’s no more space for anything bad in my heart.

2am Thoughts

So here goes this feeling again. I don’t know how it all started but it’s always hard for me to find happiness. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a joyful person on the outside but deep inside there’s emptiness, there’s an undeniable sadness. And I don’t know what to do with it sometimes. I guess I’m just sad over many things that makes me such a stubborn person, I admit it. 

Well, I guess I always want to find something that can make me happy, permanently happy. You know when someone ask another person what is there goal in life and they would answer back things like, I want to have a successful career, a loving family, or a pretty and comfortable home. Back when I was little I want to be rich for the reason that I want to help people and to have a wide range of land that I’ll be able to put up my own garden full of flowers and fruits (weird again I know) But I guess I don’t intend to be one. So when someone ask me what would be mine, I would automatically say ‘genuine happiness’. That’s my ultimate goal in life (Yes I know I’m such a weird idealist.) Because you can have a successful career or beautiful material things but I think it all goes to one point – if ever you’re genuinely happy. Not because you have these things, but YOU are happy, with yourself, within yourself. As I’m getting older every year, it’s a big question mark for me that I still didn’t get the answer to that curiosity of mine. As I also look back in the past, I always have set of questions, not that I’m the smart one, but I guess I observe life more than I live it. That boils to the point that I’m such an idealist. And sometimes I don’t know if that is a positive trait or not. 

But as I’ve said in my previous blog posts, I’m currently under construction on finding my own kind of happiness. I want to embrace the sadness, the pain of being wonderfully lost that someday I will be miraculously found. I don’t know how and when but I know that day would just come, without me knowing, without me noticing. I want to trust this whole life process and embrace what life would give and throw to me. 

But right now, I want to be gentle with myself. I want to discover and get to know myself more, my strength, my weaknesses. Grow and glow. 

‘Cause right now I’m just a garden full of wildflowers but someday, I’ll build my own garden full of roses, sunflowers, lilies and tulips. In short, when I already found my genuine happiness.

I just hope that one day, I’ll wake up feeling energize and ecstatic. That the first thing that I would think of is, ‘oh it’s another beautiful day!’ instead of ‘Urgh, it’s morning again’ feels.  

And that feeling when I will never force myself for being happy, ’cause I already am.  

P.S.: Playing Rascal Flatts’ My Wish while writing this. And it just feels good.