They deserved it. 


I hope every genuine person will meet someone as pure as their hearts. Why? Because they deserved it, they really deserved every little and not so little love in the world. They deserve happiness because they freely give it to everyone. 

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Every little thing

Everyday, we are doing all we can to survive, to live a life we always want to have. Each of us (billions of people) living here on Earth have different sets of dreams and we will get what it takes to achieve it all. But, even though we’re all different, it’s nice to think that each of us are made of little things that makes up our everyday living. I still find it strange and amazing at the same. 

I don’t know but for me, I’m always been a fan of little things. I knew right from the start (since childhood) that my happiness is not overly dramatic and that I’m not hard to please because I enjoy the simple things in life. I believe that makes me weird, even back then. And because I enjoyed it so much that others may think I’m overreacting to every little thing, which is really true (that’s why I’m not a people’s person and I’m okay with that)

My mind is currently in an ‘active now’ mood as of the moment about all these little things. Like right now, I’m currently listening to Jim Croce’s I’ll Have To Say I Love in a Song. I’ve heard this most of my childhood days so it’s not hard not to remember this beauty of a song. You know that feeling when a certain song makes you nostalgic (ooops, super abuse word) and at the same time makes you happy. No explanation at all. That’s why I always love playing music during long drives and looking at the car’s window because it makes me genuinely happy. I also love hearing people’s unique laughs because they’re so fun to see. And jokes that gets you, that makes you really laugh, the kind of laugh where your stomach hurts because you can’t stop laughing. And every person’s voice that you’ll instantly recognised it if that’s your best friend, your sister, your mother or your father. I love everything about it. And those random acts of kindness, like someone gave you a piece of chocolate or ice cream because they know you’ll love it. Someone pick a random wildflower just for you because they know how obsessed you’re with flowers. Someone that will share songs that will instantly makes it’s way to your playlist because you will definitely download it right away. Gifts that has sticky notes or letter in it because they know you’ll love it more than the gift itself. Those comforting words like, ‘don’t forget to eat fruits or drink milk’, ‘I prayed for you’, ‘I miss you’ that came from my parents gets me, really. And right now, I ate chicken sotanghon (glass noodles) soup that I made because it’s perfect for a cold night. Wala lang, masaya lang akong masarap ang lasa at na nakarami ako ng kain. Lagot. 
And so,
I will always hold to every little things because that’s what makes me get up every morning. It’s a reminder to me that the little things, they’re not actually that little actually. Because when put up altogether, it makes up the big things. That’s where happiness takes in. 🌿

Actually I have tons of ideas about this topic but I’ll have save it in my next blog post because it’s exactly 1:35 am. I need to sleep and this weather is inviting me to really sleep na.

 Soooo, good night. ‘Til then. 🌷

Self Worth

This is such a talk these days and we have to admit, this is the hardest thing to achieve because there are so many distractions nowadays that the very essence of caring for ourselves is nothing in our priority list. 
And I have to admit, self love/worth is something that I didn’t really payed attention to. I somehow grasp the idea of it in my early 20s and I actually didn’t take any actions for me to improve myself that’s why here I am. I lack self-confidence and most of the time I didn’t believe in my abilities. And as a result, I am my own worst critique. Which is nerve wracking, actually.
But then again, as I wake up earlier this morning, 28th of October, year 2017, exactly 8:30 am, I feel like not doing anything, that I will just stay in bed because frankly speaking, I feel so empty. I don’t know if you can classified it as being sad or depressed (maybe I’m at the middle, if there’s such thing, lol) It did continue during working hours, I drink my coffee, ate some dark chocolate biscuits but still, the stabbing feeling still remains in my chest and it seems like it will about to stay there for the rest of the day. But then again, in the afternoon, it slowly fades away. Maybe also because of the fish fillet with mushroom stuffed sandwich made by Doctora that made me okay again. It’s quite delicious actually. 

And then, this evening as I evaluate what made me feel this day goes to my realisation that: I really do need to take good care of myself. Like the real kind of care. I need to change and stop being stubborn. I know what I’m feeling in the early hours of this day is because on how I deal with my self, with my emotions. I don’t know, I have this habit that when I’m so lost with my own thoughts, I kind of dwell with it. Like I will stay there for quite some time, which is really not emotionally healthy, I know. 
So now, I am finally taking little steps to overcome it. I know, it will not just happen overnight, it will take years for it to build but I’m slowly learning how to kill that not-so-good old self and build someone I will be proud of, someday. Recognize it and take actions until you’re able to overcome it, Jannin. 

And so…

I’ve made a deal with myself. That each day I will wrote things I did that are essential for my ‘Self-Worth Project’. I’ve made a deal that at least 3 self care each day will make the project effective and that I NEED to stick with it until I am used to doing this, everyday.

So here are the things that contributed to my project. This day, I drink green tea, I wash my face and brush my teeth earlier than what I usually do. I wear a comfy t-shirt and a pajama to make me feel comfortable in this literally cold night. I am finally writing this and it makes me feel good. I know it is nothing but little things but I am quite proud of myself because I don’t usually do such simple stuffs like drinking tea. 

And my conclusion. 

I think it’s not late to change yourself because there are so many beautiful ways to improve yourself. It needs to start with you, it start with the realisation that you need to change for you to grow, for you to develop confidence that is very much takes a big role in your happiness. When you have the confidence and a positive view in yourself, everything around you blooms. You start to love yourself that it is safe to say, you can now love others, deeply. 


So hold on there self. You’ll get there someday. One step at a time. 🌿

Photographs

Timeless things
They captured everything
From the innocence of childhood
To the joyfulness of youth.
What’s good about this is
will give you countless ideas
Of a moment
Otherwise gone and forgotten
It will bring you back at that exact moment
Of happiness and of sadness
Even a person with Alzheimer’s
Will surely remember.
I love photographs
They contain unscripted smiles
And contagious laughters
Of childhood I miss
Of people I want to reconnect with
Of places I want to visit again
Of moments I know will not happen again.
So everytime something
Captured my eyes,
I grab my phone and snap it
Right away, anywhere.
It’s like my mind tells me that
‘Go, because it may not happen again!’
That’s the story
Why I’m a person addicted to photographs,
Mind you, it’s not selfies.
But memories that will surely stay
As long as I could remember.

……

Everyone has ‘baggage’

Growing old, understanding human nature and behaviours. I’ve come to the realization that everyone experienced this. Come to think of it, everyday we are figuring ourselves, we are losing ourselves sometimes because as we all know, life is pretty much not perfect. We will experienced failures, disappointments, discouragement that we start to develop these different sort of ‘baggage’. Life is indeed a ‘Great, Extraordinary Unknown.’

Baggage.

It will not always be the same but everyone has that. Every person became who they are right now because of the things they’ve experienced before and I think it is one of the greatest wonders of being human. You can’t really grasp the intentions and what’s inside the heart and mind that’s why sometimes a person judge another person base on how he/she perceive him/her.

And the good thing there is, we can always be kind, we can always be gentle with people. There are those who really are strong in nature that we thought, this person is really tough, but deep inside we didn’t know that he/she is already hurting. We didn’t know what the person is going through. Someone is suffering from depression, we may not know it. Someone had just lost a loved one, we may not know it. Someone experienced their first heartbreak, we may not know it. Someone may think they’ve been taken for granted and feel unloved, we may not know it.

So it’s not that hard to show kindness to people because everybody deserves to be treated the way they would feel loved. The way they should really be treated. When we realized that each one of us has ‘baggage’ and assume that all of us grows in different ways, in that little way, we put something beautiful in the world. Not only we make someone feel better, we also help ourselves to be more compassionate, more loving and the byproduct? We ourselves become the better person.

And then we grow. Then we are able to face difficult and unpredictable storms in life. We become resilient. We beautify the world.

Isn’t it beautiful? Kindness and understanding goes a long way. So never underestimate it. 🙂

What If

What if someday, we will live the way we want our lives to be? What if we’ll find the rare kind of love, that we will stop with the idea that we are not good enough? What if what we’re really searching for so long will finally finds its way to us that we stop learning about ourselves because we already knew who we really are?

These are some of the questions that mostly made it’s way to my top 10 mind blowing, lack of sleep, over thinking questions about my favorite subject, life. Do you have those moments where you’re just immense with your own thoughts that you lost tract of time? That you are both scared and excited about how the future will turn out. If ever you’ll be happy living your life or you will never stop searching for that something, if ever you’ll be happy even if you did not find that something you’re searching for your whole life. I hope I make sense, even though I’m not.

I know I’m feeling too much again, like I always do. That’s why I need to wrote it down to reassure myself that what I felt is normal and there’s nothing to be worried about. You know what I realized? That there are so many beautiful possibilities for every person living here on earth. There are endless possibilities to be happy, to be that somebody you always pray to be. And you know what I realized again? That you can achieve it all, all that little and not so little dreams you have in your heart. There’s just 100s and perhaps thousands possibilities that are available for you. It may not all be easy. And who says beautiful things will just come out there all of sudden? They all takes time. True love. Genuine happiness. And you just never stop thinking about them because someday, they would just come to you. Faith, hope, love. They’re your armor. And yes, you just have to believe it that someday, you will, eventually.

Things I’m excited about (this is not actually related to this post):

– John Green’s new book Turtle’s All The Way Down (why do I have a feeling that it is more beautiful than TFiOS?)

– I’m slowly learning how to play ukulele (or maybe I feel I am even though I’m not really) Anways, I’m happy so that’s what matters.

– I will find more books to read like Chicken Soup and that of Pierre. All about poetry. Talk about collection.

– I wanna buy dslr and polaroid. Not sure if this will turn to reality now, but definitely pretty soon. Exciting!

This is all for now. Time to rest my panda eyes. 🙂

Nostalgia

I turned on the song Noel Cabangon’s Kanlungan and memories just automatically flashes back on my subconscious mind. This song is about reminiscing gold old times, remembering how simple it is to live back then, when people are really living in the moment not living with a cellphone in their hands. How time really flies.

I will always consider my childhood as my ‘happy place’, because that’s where almost my genuinely, excited, jolly self originated. I can’t think of how many times I miss it (I think everyone does also) and how I miss my old self where everything feels real and happy at the same time. And now I find it hard to go back to that jolly, carefree child because of the pressure of being an adult already. So do you want to know how much I miss it? I don’t know if I can put that to words because the memories that built inside my head is so rich and profound, it’s like one of those treasures that you keep on holding on for like, forever and you keep on opening it (like a treasure box) whenever life throws you thousands (I know I’m just exaggerating it) of challenges that you can’t seem to grasp or comprehend. And this is one of those moments where I am opening that precious treasure of all, my childhood. What do you like most of your childhood? Mine’s compose of Filipino games I am proud I played back then. Playing endless street games: patintero, tumbang preso, chinese garter, cards, jackstones, piko and etc. And then coming home dirty and all. Although the aftermath there is a sure angry lecture from mother about proper hygiene and how it’s so hard to wash dirty uniforms. I smile whenever I remembered those times and I’m happy that I lived on a generation where you’re actually got to experience what is like to be a child. Carefree and genuinely happy. And then those childhood friends where you get to play it with almost everything, like you’ll build a house out of used rice sacks and old boxes and then feeling satisfied after building it (especially that it does stand on its own, that’s when you’ll realize you made your own bahay-bahayan). Then you get to experience what nature can offer because you need ‘food’ in order for your bahay bahayan to be called a home, you’ll find different wildflowers and leaves. It’s funny because you become resourceful and you can randomnly find used cans and made it as cooking utensils. *Sigh*. How I just miss it. How come the things that makes us happy cannot stay there forever. Like biking in a hill with plants and grass and you just smell the scent of fresh air. Like creating colorful kites and trying to fly it in a field and that satisfaction on your face where you can see your kite flying flowly in the air. Simple but unforgettable moments.

Dearest Childhood,

I can’t express how much happiness you gave me. I may think like a real adult right now but there’s just times where I wish I could go back there and be with you again. I miss me when I’m with you. I miss having so much fun like there’s no tomorrow. Like I will not think of something bad will happen after I experienced extreme euphoria. Now I always think it that way. But anyways, even though you’re already a memory to me now, I am extremely grateful that I got to really experienced feeling infinite and genuinely happy. Maybe I will not experience it again but if God’s will that He will bless me with a child, I will do my outmost effort to show him/her the very essence of being a child. Being in the moment. Enjoying every little thing. Happiness in simplest things. And I would like to be one of his/her playmate. I’m quite excited actually. ‘Til then.

-Jannin