Photographs

Timeless things
They captured everything
From the innocence of childhood
To the joyfulness of youth.
What’s good about this is
will give you countless ideas
Of a moment
Otherwise gone and forgotten
It will bring you back at that exact moment
Of happiness and of sadness
Even a person with Alzheimer’s
Will surely remember.
I love photographs
They contain unscripted smiles
And contagious laughters
Of childhood I miss
Of people I want to reconnect with
Of places I want to visit again
Of moments I know will not happen again.
So everytime something
Captured my eyes,
I grab my phone and snap it
Right away, anywhere.
It’s like my mind tells me that
‘Go, because it may not happen again!’
That’s the story
Why I’m a person addicted to photographs,
Mind you, it’s not selfies.
But memories that will surely stay
As long as I could remember.

……

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Everyone has ‘baggage’

Growing old, understanding human nature and behaviours. I’ve come to the realization that everyone experienced this. Come to think of it, everyday we are figuring ourselves, we are losing ourselves sometimes because as we all know, life is pretty much not perfect. We will experienced failures, disappointments, discouragement that we start to develop these different sort of ‘baggage’. Life is indeed a ‘Great, Extraordinary Unknown.’

Baggage.

It will not always be the same but everyone has that. Every person became who they are right now because of the things they’ve experienced before and I think it is one of the greatest wonders of being human. You can’t really grasp the intentions and what’s inside the heart and mind that’s why sometimes a person judge another person base on how he/she perceive him/her.

And the good thing there is, we can always be kind, we can always be gentle with people. There are those who really are strong in nature that we thought, this person is really tough, but deep inside we didn’t know that he/she is already hurting. We didn’t know what the person is going through. Someone is suffering from depression, we may not know it. Someone had just lost a loved one, we may not know it. Someone experienced their first heartbreak, we may not know it. Someone may think they’ve been taken for granted and feel unloved, we may not know it.

So it’s not that hard to show kindness to people because everybody deserves to be treated the way they would feel loved. The way they should really be treated. When we realized that each one of us has ‘baggage’ and assume that all of us grows in different ways, in that little way, we put something beautiful in the world. Not only we make someone feel better, we also help ourselves to be more compassionate, more loving and the byproduct? We ourselves become the better person.

And then we grow. Then we are able to face difficult and unpredictable storms in life. We become resilient. We beautify the world.

Isn’t it beautiful? Kindness and understanding goes a long way. So never underestimate it. 🙂

What If

What if someday, we will live the way we want our lives to be? What if we’ll find the rare kind of love, that we will stop with the idea that we are not good enough? What if what we’re really searching for so long will finally finds its way to us that we stop learning about ourselves because we already knew who we really are?

These are some of the questions that mostly made it’s way to my top 10 mind blowing, lack of sleep, over thinking questions about my favorite subject, life. Do you have those moments where you’re just immense with your own thoughts that you lost tract of time? That you are both scared and excited about how the future will turn out. If ever you’ll be happy living your life or you will never stop searching for that something, if ever you’ll be happy even if you did not find that something you’re searching for your whole life. I hope I make sense, even though I’m not.

I know I’m feeling too much again, like I always do. That’s why I need to wrote it down to reassure myself that what I felt is normal and there’s nothing to be worried about. You know what I realized? That there are so many beautiful possibilities for every person living here on earth. There are endless possibilities to be happy, to be that somebody you always pray to be. And you know what I realized again? That you can achieve it all, all that little and not so little dreams you have in your heart. There’s just 100s and perhaps thousands possibilities that are available for you. It may not all be easy. And who says beautiful things will just come out there all of sudden? They all takes time. True love. Genuine happiness. And you just never stop thinking about them because someday, they would just come to you. Faith, hope, love. They’re your armor. And yes, you just have to believe it that someday, you will, eventually.

Things I’m excited about (this is not actually related to this post):

– John Green’s new book Turtle’s All The Way Down (why do I have a feeling that it is more beautiful than TFiOS?)

– I’m slowly learning how to play ukulele (or maybe I feel I am even though I’m not really) Anways, I’m happy so that’s what matters.

– I will find more books to read like Chicken Soup and that of Pierre. All about poetry. Talk about collection.

– I wanna buy dslr and polaroid. Not sure if this will turn to reality now, but definitely pretty soon. Exciting!

This is all for now. Time to rest my panda eyes. 🙂

Nostalgia

I turned on the song Noel Cabangon’s Kanlungan and memories just automatically flashes back on my subconscious mind. This song is about reminiscing gold old times, remembering how simple it is to live back then, when people are really living in the moment not living with a cellphone in their hands. How time really flies.

I will always consider my childhood as my ‘happy place’, because that’s where almost my genuinely, excited, jolly self originated. I can’t think of how many times I miss it (I think everyone does also) and how I miss my old self where everything feels real and happy at the same time. And now I find it hard to go back to that jolly, carefree child because of the pressure of being an adult already. So do you want to know how much I miss it? I don’t know if I can put that to words because the memories that built inside my head is so rich and profound, it’s like one of those treasures that you keep on holding on for like, forever and you keep on opening it (like a treasure box) whenever life throws you thousands (I know I’m just exaggerating it) of challenges that you can’t seem to grasp or comprehend. And this is one of those moments where I am opening that precious treasure of all, my childhood. What do you like most of your childhood? Mine’s compose of Filipino games I am proud I played back then. Playing endless street games: patintero, tumbang preso, chinese garter, cards, jackstones, piko and etc. And then coming home dirty and all. Although the aftermath there is a sure angry lecture from mother about proper hygiene and how it’s so hard to wash dirty uniforms. I smile whenever I remembered those times and I’m happy that I lived on a generation where you’re actually got to experience what is like to be a child. Carefree and genuinely happy. And then those childhood friends where you get to play it with almost everything, like you’ll build a house out of used rice sacks and old boxes and then feeling satisfied after building it (especially that it does stand on its own, that’s when you’ll realize you made your own bahay-bahayan). Then you get to experience what nature can offer because you need ‘food’ in order for your bahay bahayan to be called a home, you’ll find different wildflowers and leaves. It’s funny because you become resourceful and you can randomnly find used cans and made it as cooking utensils. *Sigh*. How I just miss it. How come the things that makes us happy cannot stay there forever. Like biking in a hill with plants and grass and you just smell the scent of fresh air. Like creating colorful kites and trying to fly it in a field and that satisfaction on your face where you can see your kite flying flowly in the air. Simple but unforgettable moments.

Dearest Childhood,

I can’t express how much happiness you gave me. I may think like a real adult right now but there’s just times where I wish I could go back there and be with you again. I miss me when I’m with you. I miss having so much fun like there’s no tomorrow. Like I will not think of something bad will happen after I experienced extreme euphoria. Now I always think it that way. But anyways, even though you’re already a memory to me now, I am extremely grateful that I got to really experienced feeling infinite and genuinely happy. Maybe I will not experience it again but if God’s will that He will bless me with a child, I will do my outmost effort to show him/her the very essence of being a child. Being in the moment. Enjoying every little thing. Happiness in simplest things. And I would like to be one of his/her playmate. I’m quite excited actually. ‘Til then.

-Jannin

Genuinely happy

So today’s my day off and I got to spend it so much with my workmates. I’m happy that we enjoyed each other’s company already and it’s safe to say that we are comfortable being goofy and weird together. Which is really a good thing. We ate so much food and then take weird selfies and just laugh and laugh until our stomach hurts. I miss those kinds of laughs because they’re so authentic and natural that being weird is not a bad thing, that’s why I’m thankful that I got to laugh again, the truest one. 

I’m happy in this present moment knowing that I’ve already adjusted in the place where I am currently working. Though there are restrictions but still, happiness is just a state of mind. And I choose to be positive and hopeful each day (though it’s not always that easy). I actually can’t believe that I’ll survive this whole journey because I’m such an emotional person and being away from home is really a huge struggle for me. I remembered crying and crying (I think it’s the worst cry I had in my life) at the van with my parents, knowing I will not get to see them for two years. My mother just hold my hand while my father is telling me what to expect while working abroad (though I know deep inside he really does want to console me, knowing he also worked on the place I’ll be going). And now after 5 and a half months, I’m here, happy, learning a new language, I have a job, I get to support my family financially,  I’ve met a lot of beautiful souls. I think I am more than blessed knowing that I have these things. I will be bringing these wonderful experiences when I am coming home, which will just happen. So there’s no need to worry. 

I am also happy that one of my closest friend is getting married. Knowing she waited patiently for her definition of true love. I just can’t contain my happiness because she’d been praying this throughout the years and finally, she already found hers. I’m just sad that I can’t attend her wedding but I’m happy that she said to me, “I hope you’re here on my wedding (she wants me to be one of her bridesmaids) because you’re so close to my heart.” Which melts my heart away. Then memories just flashback, the food trips, her being my partner always in ministry, the sleepovers, the movie marathons, and the conversations.  And then I remember all and I just felt nostalgic at that moment. A beautiful kind of nostalgia. I admit I overused that word already but I don’t know, for me as I get older, I always find myself looking back to all the memories that had been built in my mind. That’s where almost of my happiness came from actually.

So basically my next blog post is all about being ‘Nostalgic’. I’m excited because it is mostly associated with my childhood.  

Songs I’m playing while writing this: The Beatles’ In My Life and Passenger’s Beautiful Birds.

Thanks for patiently reading this not so important post. 😛  

Connections

I always long for genuine, natural connections between people. Then I always treasured them in my life believing that they’re just few out there in the world. Weird. One of a kind. Unique.

Missing them right now.

The Little Prince: Personal realizations

So I’ve finished reading this wonder book. It’s so surprising that it’s so simple but complex at the same time. When I say complex I mean it does really gives so much realizations in life, which I do think every human (especially we grown ups) should really read and reflect afterwards. So here are some of the quotations and phrases that stole my heart away (in a good and positive way)

Grown-ups love figures… When you tell them you’ve made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? ” Instead they demand “How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? ” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

This is one of the things I really appreciate from the book because I am totally agree with what the author quoted. It sad to know that most of the people nowadays, grown ups to be specific, tend to focus more on ‘figures’, or in other words, material things which usually doesn’t give so much satisfaction and lasting happiness. I don’t know how an author who’s generation is far from me can really described how I really feel with this generation that we live in now. There’s so much substance with questions like, ‘does he collect butterflies?’, it’s so comforting that someone like him talk about deep truths in life which oftentimes neglected, forgotten, abandoned. I know it’s weird but I feel special when someone sincerely ask me questions like that, like it does signifies that someone is just as interested in life as same as me. That you could see the genuineness, the pureness of what friendship can bring. That it is not how many followers you have on Instagram or how famous you’re on Facebook, how many likes your profile picture has. It’s sad that it’s what happens today, that we rely much of our happiness on figures, we tend to post pictures like ‘we ate at this fancy resto’, ‘I have a new G-shock’, ‘ a new car’ so on and so forth. Endless material things. Endless pursuit of nothingness, a run after the wind. Seldom you will see photos with caption like, ‘I enjoyed the food as much I enjoyed talking with these bunch of people’, ‘Spontaneous talks is what I always crave for’. Quality. Yes, that’s what lacking and I want to break that and be someone who appreciates, who listens, who notices.

But he would always answer, “That’s a hat.” Then I wouldn’t talk about boa constrictors or jungles or stars. I would put myself on his level and talk about bridge and golf and politics and neckties. And my grown-up was glad to know such a reasonable person.

I am again sad with this awakening truth, that sometimes we tend to act like a really serious grown up for someone for them to think like, ‘oh she’s matured, she has substance.’ I, in my part, does this most of the time but everytime I talk to a person, I always hope and pray at the back of mind things like, ‘I hope we would talk about how much we appreciate our mothers, our fathers’, ‘I hope we talked about that particular old song which makes our heart feel nostalgic and happy at the same time’. And this sentiments reminds me of my best friend, she’s the only one I can talk to about these sorts of things, you know like most of time we would just sit in the terrace at a starry night (yes we are so sentimental and weird) or in the bedroom for hours and talk about life, our chaos, music and anything sensible. I so love and miss those moments. And those things is my definition of luxury, which the brain is the number one thing actively used and also the figurative heart. And I think it sad when people can’t talked about that kind of thing or simply don’t want to because they’re so busy, or I might say preoccupied with a lot of other things. For me, deep conversations and perspective about life are the real luxury in the world because you can carry it wherever you go, you have it in your heart and mind that no can stole in from you, unless you want to share it withis others, willingly. And that I think is a beautiful thing.

It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.

I don’t know but this simple phrase really hit me. Maybe because when you’re naturally a sentimental and a ‘feels too much’ person, you can really relate with this. I know not all people will appreciate this but it’s always a mysterious place when you found yourself sad or depress. It’s like you have your own universe that only few people will understand the depths of emotions that is going through in your mind. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that wonderful and mysterious? And then you appreciate these type of people who sees you behind those eyes, those smiles, because they know that there’s more to that, there’s more than meets the eye.

People where you live,” the little prince said, “grow five thousand roses in one garden… yet they don’t find what they’re looking for.

Lack of appreciation and contentment. These are the things I want to associate with the phrase. I think humans in general naturally want to seek more of what they already have. Like when they have this new gadget, they would then add a follow up, ‘Oh this is the latest version, I actually want this more than what I’ve bought already’, ‘I’ve seen it use by a celebrity, I wanna buy it too’. I also have this tendencies and I want to change that because I don’t want to be everybody else who thinks brands and things are so much of a big deal. I want to appreciate the ‘roses’ that has already in me and just cultivate a grateful attitude, in everything, big or small

And, if you should come upon this spot, please do not hurry on. Wait for a time, exactly under the star. Then, if a little man appears who laughs, who has golden hair and who refuses to answer questions, you will know who he is. If this should happen, please comfort me. Send me word that he has come back.

So these beautiful lines concluded the whole story. And this is probably the best part of the book. Actually there are so many quotable and remarkable lines that are so moving but these particular phrases are so close and relatable to me. Well because when we grow up, we tend to forget that we once had been a child. Carefree, happy, not afraid to ask questions and state facts. We are consume by the idea that others may judge or misinterpret us, now that we are grown ups. Well, I just want to remind myself that I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, the inner child in you. That child who just go along play and observe things, that child who enjoy the simplest of things, that child who has rich memories of childhood. Because being a grown up is so crucial and complicated that sometimes we tend to be content with just a ‘okay’ kind of life. We loose track of time, we create and repeat stubborn routines then ending up not loving our own life. We became unknown mask of our own that we forget how to really live.

So please don’t let the negativity and dullness of present days consume you into something you’re not, that you forget how happy you are before.

As we grow more and more each day, both physically and emotionally, may we never forget the ‘Little Prince’, which in the first place, is already present in us, inside of us. ‘Cause it will always remind us how precious, how worthy it is to live each day, knowing that we have so many things to discover, so many volcanoes to climb and conquer. Capabilities. Possibilities.