The Light that Never Fades


Sometimes it may seem dull

That you can’t find your light

Your shining star

But when you look from above

Who made the stars

The heavens, the constellations 

You will see His light

Sparkling so bright.

Sometimes you feel lost

That all you could think of is your loss

But when you close your eyes

And speaks to Him with all your soul

You will find comfort you long

Which makes you feel grand and humble.

That’s the time

When you wouldn’t feel all alone

Cause He alone is enough

To supplement your thirsty soul.

….

– Isaiah 41:10 

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Living Life as an Introvert

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I’m always been the weird kid even back then. The quiet one, the ugly duckling, the one who doesn’t usually have so many friends. The one who doesn’t participate in extracurricular activities because I’m the most awkward student ever existed. The one who’s heart is pounding loudly when reportings are suddenly decided by the teachers. Did I just sabotage myself?

In short, I live most of my life having this personality. Some may like us but majority doesn’t.

And I’m not quite shy about that because I’m proud to be one.

But.

I think most of the time we are always misunderstood. People normally doesn’t want to talk to us because we really are one of the most awkward types of people ever. And it takes a tremendous amount of time to really get to know us, because we can’t open up our life right away to someone. You need to gain our trust so in return, we can give ours. Pretty tricky, right? But, when you really get to know us, we will surely give our enormous effort to appreciate you, in short, we will value deep and sensible friendship that had built with someone who sincerely appreciates us for who we are, for what we have to offer.

And our personality? We feel too much in everything and we are the most empathetic people you could ever meet (is that sounds boastful?) and most of the time, we are ready to lend our ears for someone who wants to confess everything they don’t want in life, in short if they have problems. Most of the time, someone always do the talking and all we have to do is listen (and we love that). But the exciting part there is when an extrovert or ambivert will feel in their hearts that introverts just want also to share their sentiments about life too. Deep stuffs, frankly speaking. And that’s the time where you really will get to know us deeper, and you will just realized in the end how talkative we are (as long as it’s about life, galaxies, mind, religion, and other intangible but important things). No small talks, please! Lol. That’s the time when we would feel comfortable with you and you will see our weird side gradually becoming even more clearer and clearer (which is our normal state actually, for your information)

We’re not socially acceptable but our minds don’t stop talking. There are always scenarios in our heads and what ifs and possibilities and hopes for the future. We usually are over thinkers because we value life so much and our future. Most of the time, you may see us staring nowhere. You may think it’s weird (actually it is) but it is our way of surviving through life. Because it’s very hard for us to express all our thoughts verbally, you often find us having journals and writing blogs. Mostly our daily ramblings towards life and all that encompasses it. We also love art so much. When we appreciate someone, we don’t usually post it on Facebook or Instagram to prove to the world that we appreciate them but we usually make handwritten letters and cards for them. That we believe, last a lifetime more than the material things oftentimes given by almost all humans.

We crave for the presence of people but also needs a ‘me time’ most of the time. Our energy goes low when so much stimuli had entered our mind (especially when there’s special occasion with so much unknown people talking to us for the first time). We become overwhelmed and that’s where the comfort room is literally a comfort for us (lol) and a huge help for our social life because we can escape the reality we are facing with ambiverts and extroverts. And then we are recharged again.

It’s actually pretty hard to be an introvert but at the same time rewarding because we choose who we want to associate with. And because we choose who we want to associate with, usually our friendship last for years and it’s one of the most important aspect for the life of an introvert. We value quality more than quantity and that makes our life less toxic and more meaningful. That part, I extremely believe.

So.

Go and approach an introvert, it maybe hard at first (or they may even withdraw) but if you keep on trying, it surely is worth every step of the way. Most of the time, we are just waiting to be approach by someone and then we’re good to go!

One thing is for sure, friendship will build and will surely be for everlasting. 🌿

“A book to read in a rainy day, a coffee in hand while you’re on your pajamas. Oh, what a beautiful definition of life it is for an introvert. It’s literally heaven on earth.”

Every little thing

Everyday, we are doing all we can to survive, to live a life we always want to have. Each of us (billions of people) living here on Earth have different sets of dreams and we will get what it takes to achieve it all. But, even though we’re all different, it’s nice to think that each of us are made of little things that makes up our everyday living. I still find it strange and amazing at the same. 

I don’t know but for me, I’m always been a fan of little things. I knew right from the start (since childhood) that my happiness is not overly dramatic and that I’m not hard to please because I enjoy the simple things in life. I believe that makes me weird, even back then. And because I enjoyed it so much that others may think I’m overreacting to every little thing, which is really true (that’s why I’m not a people’s person and I’m okay with that)

My mind is currently in an ‘active now’ mood as of the moment about all these little things. Like right now, I’m currently listening to Jim Croce’s I’ll Have To Say I Love in a Song. I’ve heard this most of my childhood days so it’s not hard not to remember this beauty of a song. You know that feeling when a certain song makes you nostalgic (ooops, super abuse word) and at the same time makes you happy. No explanation at all. That’s why I always love playing music during long drives and looking at the car’s window because it makes me genuinely happy. I also love hearing people’s unique laughs because they’re so fun to see. And jokes that gets you, that makes you really laugh, the kind of laugh where your stomach hurts because you can’t stop laughing. And every person’s voice that you’ll instantly recognised it if that’s your best friend, your sister, your mother or your father. I love everything about it. And those random acts of kindness, like someone gave you a piece of chocolate or ice cream because they know you’ll love it. Someone pick a random wildflower just for you because they know how obsessed you’re with flowers. Someone that will share songs that will instantly makes it’s way to your playlist because you will definitely download it right away. Gifts that has sticky notes or letter in it because they know you’ll love it more than the gift itself. Those comforting words like, ‘don’t forget to eat fruits or drink milk’, ‘I prayed for you’, ‘I miss you’ that came from my parents gets me, really. And right now, I ate chicken sotanghon (glass noodles) soup that I made because it’s perfect for a cold night. Wala lang, masaya lang akong masarap ang lasa at na nakarami ako ng kain. Lagot. 
And so,
I will always hold to every little things because that’s what makes me get up every morning. It’s a reminder to me that the little things, they’re not actually that little actually. Because when put up altogether, it makes up the big things. That’s where happiness takes in. 🌿

Actually I have tons of ideas about this topic but I’ll have save it in my next blog post because it’s exactly 1:35 am. I need to sleep and this weather is inviting me to really sleep na.

 Soooo, good night. ‘Til then. 🌷

“Not everyone has a heart like yours.”

I heard/seen this quote more often nowadays.

And…

I kind of get this right now. Before, I always question myself why humans act in such a way that conform to them, base on how they would respond with the way they’re being treated by others. And it always saddens me that there are people who just love the idea of taking advantage of kind souls.

And you’re blessed enough if you encounter people who are naturally kindhearted.

But, I also accepted the idea that not everyone in this whole white world (or I mean in this technicolor world) will have a heart like mine. Not that I say I am 100% kind-ish person but I like the idea of treating others fairly, the exact words are, ‘gusto kong ipafeel that there’s someone out there na kusangloob na tumulong, na magbigay pansin. Kasi madalas, masyado tayong nakafocus sa sarili nating mundo na nakakalimutan nating may mga tao na pala tayo nasasaktan.’ I don’t want to be that person. Never. As in.

And then there’s that saying that if you’re good to me, I will treat you right. If you done anything bad to me, I will also do something bad to you. In short, revenge. I really hate that concept. I know, it’s their pride telling them that they’ve been hurt or treated bad that’s why they would also do something to hurt that person back. I think it is immature and at the same time it’s plain selfishness because it will just worsen the situation. That’s when I also realised that friendship, may it be long or short term, will automatically crashed/broken when pride is highlighted and compromising is not even considered. Love is no longer there.

And I just want to continue what I have started. Wow, akala mo naman kung anong sinimulan ni Ateng. But seriously, if there’s only one thing I want me to be remembered by people, is how much I’ve made an impact in their lives. I like the idea of it. That they remember me because I am kind and because of me they become a better person, not because I am pretty (I know I’m not, this one is just completely joke) or because I have a good job (again, this is not true and this is just example). In short, I don’t want to be remember as someone superficial. I always want to be remember as someone who has heart on everything. Big or small.

So here are my little bits of realization about this topic:

Not everyone will get along with you and it’s okay. Not everyone will get your personality because it is accepted only by few. Not everyone will understand that helping others makes you feel good about yourself, so continue doing so. Not everyone will have a heart ready to listen to people’s stories, continue still. Not everyone will be like you and if you ever find souls that completely jinks with your attitude and personality, keep them because they’re so rare like diamonds. Hard to find but last forever.

And lastly, continue to infect others with your beautiful soul, you may never know who you’re inspiring.

I will leave you with this quote by John Green, “I will get forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter—maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.”

🌿

Wandering Mind

I actually want to write something today but I struggle what to write. Maybe because there’s so many things happening on my mind lately (yeah I think a lot, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad). I hate that I feel too much about everything and anything. But anyways, even my heart and mind is not in a good condition as of the moment but I do believe that there’s always, always something good in every condition. So here’s the things I learned lately:

I’ve got a deeper meaning of regret as of the moment. There are three people whom I know in my life who sadly passed away recently. One of them is close to my heart and I didn’t even get to see her before she rested. And then this heart of mine suddenly made me realized that ‘hey, you’re still alive and you have million different ways to show to your loved ones how deeply you love them, how you REALLY appreciate them.’ That there’s no such thing as regret as long as you’ve done what you can to help them. Pain and loss are all part of being a human and it will make you more resilient towards life. That goes to my realization that…

Our number one purpose in this life is to show our most genuine, unselfish love to others. No matter how unlovable human beings are sometimes. We’re here to remind them that there’s one here ready enough to listen, there’s one here who would understand every word that they will try to speak, even the words they’re afraid to say. That if we show our most genuine self to others, they will appreciate it and in return they will love us back and the love that we gave, they would also show it to others. Isn’t that amazing? And…

Staying true to yourself. In the past I struggle with this because I always seek validation from others. Which I think is not healthy because you’re pretending to be someone you’re not just to please others. But now I realized that there will always and always be people who will appreciate everything you have to offer, even your weirdest self. So there’s no need to have so many people/friends to prove that you’re worthy to be love, because you’re worthy to be loved. Always remember that Self.

Self love is important. I think it’s so ironic that when we became older each day, we care much about other rather ourselves. We force to ate that burger because we have a deadline to finish, we bought that dress because somebody said it looks good on you (even personally it’s not your fashion sense), we spent hours on social medias realizing at the end of the day that it’s time wasted. So take a deep breath, listen to that nostalgic song, take a night bath, buy that moisturizer, learn that ukulele, make it a habit to tell yourself, ‘you’re beautiful, believe in yourself’. And also…

That sleep is important. So I probably need to sleep now because I have to work tomorrow and pretend to be a productive adult. 

And here’s an unrelated photo because I just feel like posting it. I just love this place because I can think of a lot of things. And at this moment, I feel a mixture of melancholia and nostalgia. I do apologized for the incoherency of words. I just write random. 

– Jannin 

Books and Someone

Books always gives me comfort and satisfaction whenever I feel sad or depressed, or anything that I feel. And sometimes, I prefer the company of books than humans, which introverts can highly relate to.

Well actually we are all books, waiting to be read, waiting to be appreciated. And then we grow up, we experienced things, we create things, we learned things that adds up to our own story, to our book. And then our figurative heart starts to appreciate another human being, another book, and then we imagine ourselves also soaking into that book. That’s also when we learned that we just need someone who will get us, who will understand us. We really don’t want to be that ‘best selling book’ everybody talks about but we just want to be seen and feel deeply by that one single person who will appreciate what we have to offer, who we really are.

So basically this post is all about linking books romantically (yes, I’m very much of a weirdo and I’m proud to be one, and why does I need to explain myself, lol) and I get this inspiration from a quote I posted on Instagram years ago. So here it goes:

Someday someone will read every pages of your very own book. Someday someone would pick you up on a bookstore and won’t stop reading your story. Even though you’re not like those beautifully made book but then, that someone would read your book description and would be curious, and ends up buying you, or I mean reading you. And he will understand, he will understand everything about you. He will not just fold pages that interest him the most but he will read every single pages of you, may it be good or bad. He’ll be like those passionate readers who is consume with a book that he carries it wherever he goes and loves to learn more about you. He will not be the others who thinks appearance matters, he’ll think that reading you is like reading The Little Prince, books that inspires him to be better and to see life in a different perspective. He’ll swim in the depths of your soul and actually swim with you, in other words, he will understand you in a deeper and different level. And you’ll be someone he’ll love reading all over and over again and will never get tired. Everytime he read about you, it’s feels the same way. So please never ever think that you’re not going to be someone’s book because someday, someone will understand you and will keep you forever.

A book someone will take good care of. For how long?

Forever.

The Little Prince: Personal realizations

So I’ve finished reading this wonder book. It’s so surprising that it’s so simple but complex at the same time. When I say complex I mean it does really gives so much realizations in life, which I do think every human (especially we grown ups) should really read and reflect afterwards. So here are some of the quotations and phrases that stole my heart away (in a good and positive way)

Grown-ups love figures… When you tell them you’ve made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? ” Instead they demand “How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? ” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

This is one of the things I really appreciate from the book because I am totally agree with what the author quoted. It sad to know that most of the people nowadays, grown ups to be specific, tend to focus more on ‘figures’, or in other words, material things which usually doesn’t give so much satisfaction and lasting happiness. I don’t know how an author who’s generation is far from me can really described how I really feel with this generation that we live in now. There’s so much substance with questions like, ‘does he collect butterflies?’, it’s so comforting that someone like him talk about deep truths in life which oftentimes neglected, forgotten, abandoned. I know it’s weird but I feel special when someone sincerely ask me questions like that, like it does signifies that someone is just as interested in life as same as me. That you could see the genuineness, the pureness of what friendship can bring. That it is not how many followers you have on Instagram or how famous you’re on Facebook, how many likes your profile picture has. It’s sad that it’s what happens today, that we rely much of our happiness on figures, we tend to post pictures like ‘we ate at this fancy resto’, ‘I have a new G-shock’, ‘ a new car’ so on and so forth. Endless material things. Endless pursuit of nothingness, a run after the wind. Seldom you will see photos with caption like, ‘I enjoyed the food as much I enjoyed talking with these bunch of people’, ‘Spontaneous talks is what I always crave for’. Quality. Yes, that’s what lacking and I want to break that and be someone who appreciates, who listens, who notices.

But he would always answer, “That’s a hat.” Then I wouldn’t talk about boa constrictors or jungles or stars. I would put myself on his level and talk about bridge and golf and politics and neckties. And my grown-up was glad to know such a reasonable person.

I am again sad with this awakening truth, that sometimes we tend to act like a really serious grown up for someone for them to think like, ‘oh she’s matured, she has substance.’ I, in my part, does this most of the time but everytime I talk to a person, I always hope and pray at the back of mind things like, ‘I hope we would talk about how much we appreciate our mothers, our fathers’, ‘I hope we talked about that particular old song which makes our heart feel nostalgic and happy at the same time’. And this sentiments reminds me of my best friend, she’s the only one I can talk to about these sorts of things, you know like most of time we would just sit in the terrace at a starry night (yes we are so sentimental and weird) or in the bedroom for hours and talk about life, our chaos, music and anything sensible. I so love and miss those moments. And those things is my definition of luxury, which the brain is the number one thing actively used and also the figurative heart. And I think it sad when people can’t talked about that kind of thing or simply don’t want to because they’re so busy, or I might say preoccupied with a lot of other things. For me, deep conversations and perspective about life are the real luxury in the world because you can carry it wherever you go, you have it in your heart and mind that no can stole in from you, unless you want to share it withis others, willingly. And that I think is a beautiful thing.

It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.

I don’t know but this simple phrase really hit me. Maybe because when you’re naturally a sentimental and a ‘feels too much’ person, you can really relate with this. I know not all people will appreciate this but it’s always a mysterious place when you found yourself sad or depress. It’s like you have your own universe that only few people will understand the depths of emotions that is going through in your mind. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that wonderful and mysterious? And then you appreciate these type of people who sees you behind those eyes, those smiles, because they know that there’s more to that, there’s more than meets the eye.

People where you live,” the little prince said, “grow five thousand roses in one garden… yet they don’t find what they’re looking for.

Lack of appreciation and contentment. These are the things I want to associate with the phrase. I think humans in general naturally want to seek more of what they already have. Like when they have this new gadget, they would then add a follow up, ‘Oh this is the latest version, I actually want this more than what I’ve bought already’, ‘I’ve seen it use by a celebrity, I wanna buy it too’. I also have this tendencies and I want to change that because I don’t want to be everybody else who thinks brands and things are so much of a big deal. I want to appreciate the ‘roses’ that has already in me and just cultivate a grateful attitude, in everything, big or small

And, if you should come upon this spot, please do not hurry on. Wait for a time, exactly under the star. Then, if a little man appears who laughs, who has golden hair and who refuses to answer questions, you will know who he is. If this should happen, please comfort me. Send me word that he has come back.

So these beautiful lines concluded the whole story. And this is probably the best part of the book. Actually there are so many quotable and remarkable lines that are so moving but these particular phrases are so close and relatable to me. Well because when we grow up, we tend to forget that we once had been a child. Carefree, happy, not afraid to ask questions and state facts. We are consume by the idea that others may judge or misinterpret us, now that we are grown ups. Well, I just want to remind myself that I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, the inner child in you. That child who just go along play and observe things, that child who enjoy the simplest of things, that child who has rich memories of childhood. Because being a grown up is so crucial and complicated that sometimes we tend to be content with just a ‘okay’ kind of life. We loose track of time, we create and repeat stubborn routines then ending up not loving our own life. We became unknown mask of our own that we forget how to really live.

So please don’t let the negativity and dullness of present days consume you into something you’re not, that you forget how happy you are before.

As we grow more and more each day, both physically and emotionally, may we never forget the ‘Little Prince’, which in the first place, is already present in us, inside of us. ‘Cause it will always remind us how precious, how worthy it is to live each day, knowing that we have so many things to discover, so many volcanoes to climb and conquer. Capabilities. Possibilities.