Wandering Mind

I actually want to write something today but I struggle what to write. Maybe because there’s so many things happening on my mind lately (yeah I think a lot, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad). I hate that I feel too much about everything and anything. But anyways, even my heart and mind is not in a good condition as of the moment but I do believe that there’s always, always something good in every condition. So here’s the things I learned lately:

I’ve got a deeper meaning of regret as of the moment. There are three people whom I know in my life who sadly passed away recently. One of them is close to my heart and I didn’t even get to see her before she rested. And then this heart of mine suddenly made me realized that ‘hey, you’re still alive and you have million different ways to show to your loved ones how deeply you love them, how you REALLY appreciate them.’ That there’s no such thing as regret as long as you’ve done what you can to help them. Pain and loss are all part of being a human and it will make you more resilient towards life. That goes to my realization that…

Our number one purpose in this life is to show our most genuine, unselfish love to others. No matter how unlovable human beings are sometimes. We’re here to remind them that there’s one here ready enough to listen, there’s one here who would understand every word that they will try to speak, even the words they’re afraid to say. That if we show our most genuine self to others, they will appreciate it and in return they will love us back and the love that we gave, they would also show it to others. Isn’t that amazing? And…

Staying true to yourself. In the past I struggle with this because I always seek validation from others. Which I think is not healthy because you’re pretending to be someone you’re not just to please others. But now I realized that there will always and always be people who will appreciate everything you have to offer, even your weirdest self. So there’s no need to have so many people/friends to prove that you’re worthy to be love, because you’re worthy to be loved. Always remember that Self.

Self love is important. I think it’s so ironic that when we became older each day, we care much about other rather ourselves. We force to ate that burger because we have a deadline to finish, we bought that dress because somebody said it looks good on you (even personally it’s not your fashion sense), we spent hours on social medias realizing at the end of the day that it’s time wasted. So take a deep breath, listen to that nostalgic song, take a night bath, buy that moisturizer, learn that ukulele, make it a habit to tell yourself, ‘you’re beautiful, believe in yourself’. And also…

That sleep is important. So I probably need to sleep now because I have to work tomorrow and pretend to be a productive adult. 

And here’s an unrelated photo because I just feel like posting it. I just love this place because I can think of a lot of things. And at this moment, I feel a mixture of melancholia and nostalgia. I do apologized for the incoherency of words. I just write random. 

– Jannin 

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Books and Someone

Books always gives me comfort and satisfaction whenever I feel sad or depressed, or anything that I feel. And sometimes, I prefer the company of books than humans, which introverts can highly relate to.

Well actually we are all books, waiting to be read, waiting to be appreciated. And then we grow up, we experienced things, we create things, we learned things that adds up to our own story, to our book. And then our figurative heart starts to appreciate another human being, another book, and then we imagine ourselves also soaking into that book.   That’s also when we learned that we just need someone who will get us, who will understand us. We really don’t want to be that ‘best selling book’ everybody talks about but we just want to be seen and feel deeply by that one single person who will appreciate what we have to offer, who we really are.

So basically this post is all about linking books romantically (yes, I’m very much of a weirdo and I’m proud to be one, and why does I need to explain myself, lol) and I get this inspiration from a quote I posted on Instagram years ago. So here it goes:

Someday someone will read every pages of your very own book. Someday someone would pick you up on a bookstore and won’t stop reading your story. Even though you’re not like those beautifully made book but then, that someone would read your book description and would be curious, and ends up buying you, or I mean reading you. And he will understand, he will understand everything about you. He will not just fold pages that interest him the most but he will read every single pages of you, may it be good or bad. He’ll be like those passionate readers who is consume with a book that he carries it wherever he goes and loves to learn more about you. He will not be the others who thinks appearance matters, he’ll think that reading you is like reading The Little Prince, books that inspires him to be better and to see life in a different perspective. He’ll swim in the depths of your soul and actually swim with you, in other words, he will understand you in a deeper and different level. And you’ll be someone he’ll love reading all over and over again and will never get tired. Everytime he read about you, it’s feels the same way. So please never ever think that you’re not going to be someone’s book because someday, someone will understand you. The very essence of you.

A book someone will take good care of. For how long?

For forever.

The Little Prince: Personal realizations

So I’ve finished reading this wonder book. It’s so surprising that it’s so simple but complex at the same time. When I say complex I mean it does really gives so much realizations in life, which I do think every human (especially we grown ups) should really read and reflect afterwards. So here are some of the quotations and phrases that stole my heart away (in a good and positive way)

Grown-ups love figures… When you tell them you’ve made a new friend they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies? ” Instead they demand “How old is he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make? ” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.”

This is one of the things I really appreciate from the book because I am totally agree with what the author quoted. It sad to know that most of the people nowadays, grown ups to be specific, tend to focus more on ‘figures’, or in other words, material things which usually doesn’t give so much satisfaction and lasting happiness. I don’t know how an author who’s generation is far from me can really described how I really feel with this generation that we live in now. There’s so much substance with questions like, ‘does he collect butterflies?’, it’s so comforting that someone like him talk about deep truths in life which oftentimes neglected, forgotten, abandoned. I know it’s weird but I feel special when someone sincerely ask me questions like that, like it does signifies that someone is just as interested in life as same as me. That you could see the genuineness, the pureness of what friendship can bring. That it is not how many followers you have on Instagram or how famous you’re on Facebook, how many likes your profile picture has. It’s sad that it’s what happens today, that we rely much of our happiness on figures, we tend to post pictures like ‘we ate at this fancy resto’, ‘I have a new G-shock’, ‘ a new car’ so on and so forth. Endless material things. Endless pursuit of nothingness, a run after the wind. Seldom you will see photos with caption like, ‘I enjoyed the food as much I enjoyed talking with these bunch of people’, ‘Spontaneous talks is what I always crave for’. Quality. Yes, that’s what lacking and I want to break that and be someone who appreciates, who listens, who notices.

But he would always answer, “That’s a hat.” Then I wouldn’t talk about boa constrictors or jungles or stars. I would put myself on his level and talk about bridge and golf and politics and neckties. And my grown-up was glad to know such a reasonable person.

I am again sad with this awakening truth, that sometimes we tend to act like a really serious grown up for someone for them to think like, ‘oh she’s matured, she has substance.’ I, in my part, does this most of the time but everytime I talk to a person, I always hope and pray at the back of mind things like, ‘I hope we would talk about how much we appreciate our mothers, our fathers’, ‘I hope we talked about that particular old song which makes our heart feel nostalgic and happy at the same time’. And this sentiments reminds me of my best friend, she’s the only one I can talk to about these sorts of things, you know like most of time we would just sit in the terrace at a starry night (yes we are so sentimental and weird) or in the bedroom for hours and talk about life, our chaos, music and anything sensible. I so love and miss those moments. And those things is my definition of luxury, which the brain is the number one thing actively used and also the figurative heart. And I think it sad when people can’t talked about that kind of thing or simply don’t want to because they’re so busy, or I might say preoccupied with a lot of other things. For me, deep conversations and perspective about life are the real luxury in the world because you can carry it wherever you go, you have it in your heart and mind that no can stole in from you, unless you want to share it withis others, willingly. And that I think is a beautiful thing.

It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.

I don’t know but this simple phrase really hit me. Maybe because when you’re naturally a sentimental and a ‘feels too much’ person, you can really relate with this. I know not all people will appreciate this but it’s always a mysterious place when you found yourself sad or depress. It’s like you have your own universe that only few people will understand the depths of emotions that is going through in your mind. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that wonderful and mysterious? And then you appreciate these type of people who sees you behind those eyes, those smiles, because they know that there’s more to that, there’s more than meets the eye.

People where you live,” the little prince said, “grow five thousand roses in one garden… yet they don’t find what they’re looking for.

Lack of appreciation and contentment. These are the things I want to associate with the phrase. I think humans in general naturally want to seek more of what they already have. Like when they have this new gadget, they would then add a follow up, ‘Oh this is the latest version, I actually want this more than what I’ve bought already’, ‘I’ve seen it use by a celebrity, I wanna buy it too’. I also have this tendencies and I want to change that because I don’t want to be everybody else who thinks brands and things are so much of a big deal. I want to appreciate the ‘roses’ that has already in me and just cultivate a grateful attitude, in everything, big or small

And, if you should come upon this spot, please do not hurry on. Wait for a time, exactly under the star. Then, if a little man appears who laughs, who has golden hair and who refuses to answer questions, you will know who he is. If this should happen, please comfort me. Send me word that he has come back.

So these beautiful lines concluded the whole story. And this is probably the best part of the book. Actually there are so many quotable and remarkable lines that are so moving but these particular phrases are so close and relatable to me. Well because when we grow up, we tend to forget that we once had been a child. Carefree, happy, not afraid to ask questions and state facts. We are consume by the idea that others may judge or misinterpret us, now that we are grown ups. Well, I just want to remind myself that I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, the inner child in you. That child who just go along play and observe things, that child who enjoy the simplest of things, that child who has rich memories of childhood. Because being a grown up is so crucial and complicated that sometimes we tend to be content with just a ‘okay’ kind of life. We loose track of time, we create and repeat stubborn routines then ending up not loving our own life. We became unknown mask of our own that we forget how to really live.

So please don’t let the negativity and dullness of present days consume you into something you’re not, that you forget how happy you are before.

As we grow more and more each day, both physically and emotionally, may we never forget the ‘Little Prince’, which in the first place, is already present in us, inside of us. ‘Cause it will always remind us how precious, how worthy it is to live each day, knowing that we have so many things to discover, so many volcanoes to climb and conquer. Capabilities. Possibilities.