I Will Write

I will write only beautiful things
I will write anything that inspires me,
I will write a life I always want to be,
I will write with the eagerness that everything will be alright
I will write in such a way everyone around me will inspire
I will write with all my heart
I will write and wash away all the pain in my heart,
I will write things that makes me feel alive
I will write that there will never be room for regret in my heart
I will write and fill my life with beautiful symphony and melody

I will write until there’s no more space for anything bad in my heart.

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What If

What if someday, we will live the way we want our lives to be? What if we’ll find the rare kind of love, that we will stop with the idea that we are not good enough? What if what we’re really searching for so long will finally finds its way to us that we stop learning about ourselves because we already knew who we really are?

These are some of the questions that mostly made it’s way to my top 10 mind blowing, lack of sleep, over thinking questions about my favorite subject, life. Do you have those moments where you’re just immense with your own thoughts that you lost tract of time? That you are both scared and excited about how the future will turn out. If ever you’ll be happy living your life or you will never stop searching for that something, if ever you’ll be happy even if you did not find that something you’re searching for your whole life. I hope I make sense, even though I’m not.

I know I’m feeling too much again, like I always do. That’s why I need to wrote it down to reassure myself that what I felt is normal and there’s nothing to be worried about. You know what I realized? That there are so many beautiful possibilities for every person living here on earth. There are endless possibilities to be happy, to be that somebody you always pray to be. And you know what I realized again? That you can achieve it all, all that little and not so little dreams you have in your heart. There’s just 100s and perhaps thousands possibilities that are available for you. It may not all be easy. And who says beautiful things will just come out there all of sudden? They all takes time. True love. Genuine happiness. And you just never stop thinking about them because someday, they would just come to you. Faith, hope, love. They’re your armor. And yes, you just have to believe it that someday, you will, eventually.

Things I’m excited about (this is not actually related to this post):

– John Green’s new book Turtle’s All The Way Down (why do I have a feeling that it is more beautiful than TFiOS?)

– I’m slowly learning how to play ukulele (or maybe I feel I am even though I’m not really) Anways, I’m happy so that’s what matters.

– I will find more books to read like Chicken Soup and that of Pierre. All about poetry. Talk about collection.

– I wanna buy dslr and polaroid. Not sure if this will turn to reality now, but definitely pretty soon. Exciting!

This is all for now. Time to rest my panda eyes. 🙂

Search

We have to continue search and search and search… Until we’ll find what we are looking for. – A conversation with Best Friend

Have you ever wonder what it’s like to be lost? I kinda grasp that idea right now. But I like the idea of that quote above, that if we continue to search for the ‘what’ in our lives, eventually we’ll come across what we are looking for. And that life will become more meaningful and that we have thousand, perhaps a million reasons why we woke up each morning. Not the waking up, fixing the bed and do morning routine kind of thing, but the really essence of waking up. That there’s purpose, there’s a positive force inside you telling, ‘it’s a wonderful and miraculous day to be alive. Make every second of it worth it!’

And she believes that someday she would just eventually find it and she will finally, finally, completely, utterly and genuinely happy that she forgot that she is once a sad story.

Genuinely happy

So today’s my day off and I got to spend it so much with my workmates. I’m happy that we enjoyed each other’s company already and it’s safe to say that we are comfortable being goofy and weird together. Which is really a good thing. We ate so much food and then take weird selfies and just laugh and laugh until our stomach hurts. I miss those kinds of laughs because they’re so authentic and natural that being weird is not a bad thing, that’s why I’m thankful that I got to laugh again, the truest one. 

I’m happy in this present moment knowing that I’ve already adjusted in the place where I am currently working. Though there are restrictions but still, happiness is just a state of mind. And I choose to be positive and hopeful each day (though it’s not always that easy). I actually can’t believe that I’ll survive this whole journey because I’m such an emotional person and being away from home is really a huge struggle for me. I remembered crying and crying (I think it’s the worst cry I had in my life) at the van with my parents, knowing I will not get to see them for two years. My mother just hold my hand while my father is telling me what to expect while working abroad (though I know deep inside he really does want to console me, knowing he also worked on the place I’ll be going). And now after 5 and a half months, I’m here, happy, learning a new language, I have a job, I get to support my family financially,  I’ve met a lot of beautiful souls. I think I am more than blessed knowing that I have these things. I will be bringing these wonderful experiences when I am coming home, which will just happen. So there’s no need to worry. 

I am also happy that one of my closest friend is getting married. Knowing she waited patiently for her definition of true love. I just can’t contain my happiness because she’d been praying this throughout the years and finally, she already found hers. I’m just sad that I can’t attend her wedding but I’m happy that she said to me, “I hope you’re here on my wedding (she wants me to be one of her bridesmaids) because you’re so close to my heart.” Which melts my heart away. Then memories just flashback, the food trips, her being my partner always in ministry, the sleepovers, the movie marathons, and the conversations.  And then I remember all and I just felt nostalgic at that moment. A beautiful kind of nostalgia. I admit I overused that word already but I don’t know, for me as I get older, I always find myself looking back to all the memories that had been built in my mind. That’s where almost of my happiness came from actually.

So basically my next blog post is all about being ‘Nostalgic’. I’m excited because it is mostly associated with my childhood.  

Songs I’m playing while writing this: The Beatles’ In My Life and Passenger’s Beautiful Birds.

Thanks for patiently reading this not so important post. 😛  

Old Soul


They think you’re odd

You’re weird and old

 But when you heard these things

It makes your heart gold.

You have yearning

For people, stories untold

Cities that are old

Beautiful as they told

Waiting for you 

To experience it all.

You simply dont want

Extravagant things and all

Just conversations 

Good food, The Beatles

Which never grows old

Simply because 

It’s what you wish for. 

People demand so much

But if you met an old soul,

They will remind you

To appreciate things

People tend to forget.

Fascinated with history

Their mind is beautiful as their soul

That will never cease to believe

That beautiful things

Happens to hopeful and selfless souls. 

 …
*Credits to Tumblr for the photo. 

Beach: to connect and reconnect

Working away from home is hard and it’s even harder for me because I just miss the beach so much. Not only the foods that I always crave for, cheap but delicious pork barbeques, freshly cooked oysters, sweet squids filled with tomatoes, blue marlin sinigang and the ever delicious diwal soup. And then with some soft local songs with the ocean breeze caressing our well being, I just couldn’t ask for moments like that. I’m currently missing that now.

The beach has always been and forever will be a part of my weird life. Back when I was a child, I always felt ecstatic when my parents would say, ‘We’ll go the beach! Prepare your things.” Those magical words are enough to put us on a good mood for the rest of day and that also means putting ourselves on charcoal-like skins, which we don’t really care actually. That’s the perks of being a child because we don’t really care how we look afterwards but how we will enjoy ourselves, how we feel deep down inside. Walking and running barefoot on the sands, feeling the waves massaging our tiresome feet, seeing different kinds of shells and bringing it home, writing random names on the sand (and even childhood crush, yes very much guilty) Those little things sums up my idea of a perfect and simple beach life.

And then years comes by so fast and suddenly I realized I am no longer a child, that I am close enough of being an adult. Which make it a lot scary just thinking about it. Well that makes me appreciate the beach even more. Not that I go there to swim, I go there to think about many things in life. With my best friend. We usually talk about life, our future, our chaos, our fears, even our future with our soon to be lovers (which are all pure imagination) and anything and everything that no other human being can ignite those kind of conversations, wonderfully weird but also deep and sensible, only with my best friend.  I just love those moments, those random but content worthy kind of conversations will always be my thing. The beach had seen it all. My accomplishment. My triumphs. My sadness. My disappointments. And all the other good and not so good things that had happened to me and as well as that of my best friend. I’m just thankful to God for creating the beach, not only because it is perfect for an instagram worthy shot or a perfect cover photo for Facebook (though it is currently my cover photo, ooops) but because it will make you feel things, it will make you think things. Deeper than the sea itself. And I think there’s nothing more loveable than that.

 It makes you humble but also strong, passionate but soft, contented and full of hope, just like the endless flow of waves. Things I will not be tired thinking, especially right now that I am lying in bed, imagining that I can hear the sound of the waves even if I should be probably sleeping. But I’m just happy I am able to wrote what I feel inside.

You Cling

You cling

For things you want. 

For things to be fine

As time want to tell you why. 

You cling, you keep

Things, people, memories

Of how beautiful it is

Savoring all of it

Because of the idea

That you’ll not experience it. 

So we seek

For beautiful things

Then when we meet new people

We would like them to think

That they should be like this,

Which is very selfish

Because is that love?

If you really think

That love should act in such a way

That is not coincide

With someone’s heart?   

Love, such a free spirit

Same as home

It should not be a place

But a feeling

A happy space.