Living Life as an Introvert

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I’m always been the weird kid even back then. The quiet one, the ugly duckling, the one who doesn’t usually have so many friends. The one who doesn’t participate in extracurricular activities because I’m the most awkward student ever existed. The one who’s heart is pounding loudly when reportings are suddenly decided by the teachers. Did I just sabotage myself?

In short, I live most of my life having this personality. Some may like us but majority doesn’t.

And I’m not quite shy about that because I’m proud to be one.

But.

I think most of the time we are always misunderstood. People normally doesn’t want to talk to us because we really are one of the most awkward types of people ever. And it takes a tremendous amount of time to really get to know us, because we can’t open up our life right away to someone. You need to gain our trust so in return, we can give ours. Pretty tricky, right? But, when you really get to know us, we will surely give our enormous effort to appreciate you, in short, we will value deep and sensible friendship that had built with someone who sincerely appreciates us for who we are, for what we have to offer.

And our personality? We feel too much in everything and we are the most empathetic people you could ever meet (is that sounds boastful?) and most of the time, we are ready to lend our ears for someone who wants to confess everything they don’t want in life, in short if they have problems. Most of the time, someone always do the talking and all we have to do is listen (and we love that). But the exciting part there is when an extrovert or ambivert will feel in their hearts that introverts just want also to share their sentiments about life too. Deep stuffs, frankly speaking. And that’s the time where you really will get to know us deeper, and you will just realized in the end how talkative we are (as long as it’s about life, galaxies, mind, religion, and other intangible but important things). No small talks, please! Lol. That’s the time when we would feel comfortable with you and you will see our weird side gradually becoming even more clearer and clearer (which is our normal state actually, for your information)

We’re not socially acceptable but our minds don’t stop talking. There are always scenarios in our heads and what ifs and possibilities and hopes for the future. We usually are over thinkers because we value life so much and our future. Most of the time, you may see us staring nowhere. You may think it’s weird (actually it is) but it is our way of surviving through life. Because it’s very hard for us to express all our thoughts verbally, you often find us having journals and writing blogs. Mostly our daily ramblings towards life and all that encompasses it. We also love art so much. When we appreciate someone, we don’t usually post it on Facebook or Instagram to prove to the world that we appreciate them but we usually make handwritten letters and cards for them. That we believe, last a lifetime more than the material things oftentimes given by almost all humans.

We crave for the presence of people but also needs a ‘me time’ most of the time. Our energy goes low when so much stimuli had entered our mind (especially when there’s special occasion with so much unknown people talking to us for the first time). We become overwhelmed and that’s where the comfort room is literally a comfort for us (lol) and a huge help for our social life because we can escape the reality we are facing with ambiverts and extroverts. And then we are recharged again.

It’s actually pretty hard to be an introvert but at the same time rewarding because we choose who we want to associate with. And because we choose who we want to associate with, usually our friendship last for years and it’s one of the most important aspect for the life of an introvert. We value quality more than quantity and that makes our life less toxic and more meaningful. That part, I extremely believe.

So.

Go and approach an introvert, it maybe hard at first (or they may even withdraw) but if you keep on trying, it surely is worth every step of the way. Most of the time, we are just waiting to be approach by someone and then we’re good to go!

One thing is for sure, friendship will build and will surely be for everlasting. 🌿

“A book to read in a rainy day, a coffee in hand while you’re on your pajamas. Oh, what a beautiful definition of life it is for an introvert. It’s literally heaven on earth.”

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Nostalgia

I turned on the song Noel Cabangon’s Kanlungan and memories just automatically flashes back on my subconscious mind. This song is about reminiscing gold old times, remembering how simple it is to live back then, when people are really living in the moment not living with a cellphone in their hands. How time really flies.

I will always consider my childhood as my ‘happy place’, because that’s where almost my genuinely, excited, jolly self originated. I can’t think of how many times I miss it (I think everyone does also) and how I miss my old self where everything feels real and happy at the same time. And now I find it hard to go back to that jolly, carefree child because of the pressure of being an adult already. So do you want to know how much I miss it? I don’t know if I can put that to words because the memories that built inside my head is so rich and profound, it’s like one of those treasures that you keep on holding on for like, forever and you keep on opening it (like a treasure box) whenever life throws you thousands (I know I’m just exaggerating it) of challenges that you can’t seem to grasp or comprehend. And this is one of those moments where I am opening that precious treasure of all, my childhood. What do you like most of your childhood? Mine’s compose of Filipino games I am proud I played back then. Playing endless street games: patintero, tumbang preso, chinese garter, cards, jackstones, piko and etc. And then coming home dirty and all. Although the aftermath there is a sure angry lecture from mother about proper hygiene and how it’s so hard to wash dirty uniforms. I smile whenever I remembered those times and I’m happy that I lived on a generation where you’re actually got to experience what is like to be a child. Carefree and genuinely happy. And then those childhood friends where you get to play it with almost everything, like you’ll build a house out of used rice sacks and old boxes and then feeling satisfied after building it (especially that it does stand on its own, that’s when you’ll realize you made your own bahay-bahayan). Then you get to experience what nature can offer because you need ‘food’ in order for your bahay bahayan to be called a home, you’ll find different wildflowers and leaves. It’s funny because you become resourceful and you can randomnly find used cans and made it as cooking utensils. *Sigh*. How I just miss it. How come the things that makes us happy cannot stay there forever. Like biking in a hill with plants and grass and you just smell the scent of fresh air. Like creating colorful kites and trying to fly it in a field and that satisfaction on your face where you can see your kite flying flowly in the air. Simple but unforgettable moments.

Dearest Childhood,

I can’t express how much happiness you gave me. I may think like a real adult right now but there’s just times where I wish I could go back there and be with you again. I miss me when I’m with you. I miss having so much fun like there’s no tomorrow. Like I will not think of something bad will happen after I experienced extreme euphoria. Now I always think it that way. But anyways, even though you’re already a memory to me now, I am extremely grateful that I got to really experienced feeling infinite and genuinely happy. Maybe I will not experience it again but if God’s will that He will bless me with a child, I will do my outmost effort to show him/her the very essence of being a child. Being in the moment. Enjoying every little thing. Happiness in simplest things. And I would like to be one of his/her playmate. I’m quite excited actually. ‘Til then.

-Jannin