Wandering Mind

I actually want to write something today but I struggle what to write. Maybe because there’s so many things happening on my mind lately (yeah I think a lot, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad). I hate that I feel too much about everything and anything. But anyways, even my heart and mind is not in a good condition as of the moment but I do believe that there’s always, always something good in every condition. So here’s the things I learned lately:

I’ve got a deeper meaning of regret as of the moment. There are three people whom I know in my life who sadly passed away recently. One of them is close to my heart and I didn’t even get to see her before she rested. And then this heart of mine suddenly made me realized that ‘hey, you’re still alive and you have million different ways to show to your loved ones how deeply you love them, how you REALLY appreciate them.’ That there’s no such thing as regret as long as you’ve done what you can to help them. Pain and loss are all part of being a human and it will make you more resilient towards life. That goes to my realization that…

Our number one purpose in this life is to show our most genuine, unselfish love to others. No matter how unlovable human beings are sometimes. We’re here to remind them that there’s one here ready enough to listen, there’s one here who would understand every word that they will try to speak, even the words they’re afraid to say. That if we show our most genuine self to others, they will appreciate it and in return they will love us back and the love that we gave, they would also show it to others. Isn’t that amazing? And…

Staying true to yourself. In the past I struggle with this because I always seek validation from others. Which I think is not healthy because you’re pretending to be someone you’re not just to please others. But now I realized that there will always and always be people who will appreciate everything you have to offer, even your weirdest self. So there’s no need to have so many people/friends to prove that you’re worthy to be love, because you’re worthy to be loved. Always remember that Self.

Self love is important. I think it’s so ironic that when we became older each day, we care much about other rather ourselves. We force to ate that burger because we have a deadline to finish, we bought that dress because somebody said it looks good on you (even personally it’s not your fashion sense), we spent hours on social medias realizing at the end of the day that it’s time wasted. So take a deep breath, listen to that nostalgic song, take a night bath, buy that moisturizer, learn that ukulele, make it a habit to tell yourself, ‘you’re beautiful, believe in yourself’. And also…

That sleep is important. So I probably need to sleep now because I have to work tomorrow and pretend to be a productive adult. 

And here’s an unrelated photo because I just feel like posting it. I just love this place because I can think of a lot of things. And at this moment, I feel a mixture of melancholia and nostalgia. I do apologized for the incoherency of words. I just write random. 

– Jannin 

Books and Someone

Books always gives me comfort and satisfaction whenever I feel sad or depressed, or anything that I feel. And sometimes, I prefer the company of books than humans, which introverts can highly relate to.

Well actually we are all books, waiting to be read, waiting to be appreciated. And then we grow up, we experienced things, we create things, we learned things that adds up to our own story, to our book. And then our figurative heart starts to appreciate another human being, another book, and then we imagine ourselves also soaking into that book.   That’s also when we learned that we just need someone who will get us, who will understand us. We really don’t want to be that ‘best selling book’ everybody talks about but we just want to be seen and feel deeply by that one single person who will appreciate what we have to offer, who we really are.

So basically this post is all about linking books romantically (yes, I’m very much of a weirdo and I’m proud to be one, and why does I need to explain myself, lol) and I get this inspiration from a quote I posted on Instagram years ago. So here it goes:

Someday someone will read every pages of your very own book. Someday someone would pick you up on a bookstore and won’t stop reading your story. Even though you’re not like those beautifully made book but then, that someone would read your book description and would be curious, and ends up buying you, or I mean reading you. And he will understand, he will understand everything about you. He will not just fold pages that interest him the most but he will read every single pages of you, may it be good or bad. He’ll be like those passionate readers who is consume with a book that he carries it wherever he goes and loves to learn more about you. He will not be the others who thinks appearance matters, he’ll think that reading you is like reading The Little Prince, books that inspires him to be better and to see life in a different perspective. He’ll swim in the depths of your soul and actually swim with you, in other words, he will understand you in a deeper and different level. And you’ll be someone he’ll love reading all over and over again and will never get tired. Everytime he read about you, it’s feels the same way. So please never ever think that you’re not going to be someone’s book because someday, someone will understand you and will keep you forever.

A book someone will take good care of. For how long?

Forever.

Lost

Lost in transition
Lost in words
Lost in everything
And in between.

It didn’t ocurred to me
That Saturday is different from Tuesday
For everyday living
Is the same as yesterday.

Can I just go back to where I am
Before consciousness have found me
Childhood that I am always fond of
Memories of happiness is all I can think of.

Watching over the car’s window
I want to put my hands carefree
And feel the breeze
And oh how life past through me.

I don’t know what I want
Wondering where I would go
Will I find my place?
My happy home?

Will I find you?
And would you feel the things that I feel?
And if I did found you
Can I consider you a home?

But I hope the answer to that
Is nothing but a sure ‘yes’
Cause there’s so much uncertainties
In this world full of adversities.