The Light that Never Fades


Sometimes it may seem dull

That you can’t find your light

Your shining star

But when you look from above

Who made the stars

The heavens, the constellations 

You will see His light

Sparkling so bright.

Sometimes you feel lost

That all you could think of is your loss

But when you close your eyes

And speaks to Him with all your soul

You will find comfort you long

Which makes you feel grand and humble.

That’s the time

When you wouldn’t feel all alone

Cause He alone is enough

To supplement your thirsty soul.

….

– Isaiah 41:10 

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Her thoughts 

And in the end, all she have is herself and her thoughts. 
Her thoughts are way more colorful than her actual life. She kind of understand that thought right now, that she’s contented in all that she is. She would just continue to add more color to her dull and boring life and someday it will just automatically blossoms to something she never expected. 

She would continue to be anything beautiful, not that of the outside, she would continue to shower positive thoughts in her mind. It will not be easy, it never was. There are days that she feels everything at the same time. Her thoughts are spinning into an endless whirlwind of emotions, like a nonstop carousel, like a rainbow without an end. A nonstop playing music box without any rhythm.

There will be days that she feels like laughing and laughing, because she’s happy. There will be days where all her energy is like Rose in Titanic, where she didn’t care about how people telling her how she should dance. The important is she’s happy, she’s contented. There will be days where all she could think of is how not good enough she is, and that she should reassure herself that it’s okay to feel that way. The important is, she’s feeling something. Is that more okay than not feeling at all? 
And she reminded herself (everyday) that it’s okay not be okay and she’s finally okay with that.

🌿

Every little thing

Everyday, we are doing all we can to survive, to live a life we always want to have. Each of us (billions of people) living here on Earth have different sets of dreams and we will get what it takes to achieve it all. But, even though we’re all different, it’s nice to think that each of us are made of little things that makes up our everyday living. I still find it strange and amazing at the same. 

I don’t know but for me, I’m always been a fan of little things. I knew right from the start (since childhood) that my happiness is not overly dramatic and that I’m not hard to please because I enjoy the simple things in life. I believe that makes me weird, even back then. And because I enjoyed it so much that others may think I’m overreacting to every little thing, which is really true (that’s why I’m not a people’s person and I’m okay with that)

My mind is currently in an ‘active now’ mood as of the moment about all these little things. Like right now, I’m currently listening to Jim Croce’s I’ll Have To Say I Love in a Song. I’ve heard this most of my childhood days so it’s not hard not to remember this beauty of a song. You know that feeling when a certain song makes you nostalgic (ooops, super abuse word) and at the same time makes you happy. No explanation at all. That’s why I always love playing music during long drives and looking at the car’s window because it makes me genuinely happy. I also love hearing people’s unique laughs because they’re so fun to see. And jokes that gets you, that makes you really laugh, the kind of laugh where your stomach hurts because you can’t stop laughing. And every person’s voice that you’ll instantly recognised it if that’s your best friend, your sister, your mother or your father. I love everything about it. And those random acts of kindness, like someone gave you a piece of chocolate or ice cream because they know you’ll love it. Someone pick a random wildflower just for you because they know how obsessed you’re with flowers. Someone that will share songs that will instantly makes it’s way to your playlist because you will definitely download it right away. Gifts that has sticky notes or letter in it because they know you’ll love it more than the gift itself. Those comforting words like, ‘don’t forget to eat fruits or drink milk’, ‘I prayed for you’, ‘I miss you’ that came from my parents gets me, really. And right now, I ate chicken sotanghon (glass noodles) soup that I made because it’s perfect for a cold night. Wala lang, masaya lang akong masarap ang lasa at na nakarami ako ng kain. Lagot. 
And so,
I will always hold to every little things because that’s what makes me get up every morning. It’s a reminder to me that the little things, they’re not actually that little actually. Because when put up altogether, it makes up the big things. That’s where happiness takes in. 🌿

Actually I have tons of ideas about this topic but I’ll have save it in my next blog post because it’s exactly 1:35 am. I need to sleep and this weather is inviting me to really sleep na.

 Soooo, good night. ‘Til then. 🌷

What If

What if someday, we will live the way we want our lives to be? What if we’ll find the rare kind of love, that we will stop with the idea that we are not good enough? What if what we’re really searching for so long will finally finds its way to us that we stop learning about ourselves because we already knew who we really are?

These are some of the questions that mostly made it’s way to my top 10 mind blowing, lack of sleep, over thinking questions about my favorite subject, life. Do you have those moments where you’re just immense with your own thoughts that you lost tract of time? That you are both scared and excited about how the future will turn out. If ever you’ll be happy living your life or you will never stop searching for that something, if ever you’ll be happy even if you did not find that something you’re searching for your whole life. I hope I make sense, even though I’m not.

I know I’m feeling too much again, like I always do. That’s why I need to wrote it down to reassure myself that what I felt is normal and there’s nothing to be worried about. You know what I realized? That there are so many beautiful possibilities for every person living here on earth. There are endless possibilities to be happy, to be that somebody you always pray to be. And you know what I realized again? That you can achieve it all, all that little and not so little dreams you have in your heart. There’s just 100s and perhaps thousands possibilities that are available for you. It may not all be easy. And who says beautiful things will just come out there all of sudden? They all takes time. True love. Genuine happiness. And you just never stop thinking about them because someday, they would just come to you. Faith, hope, love. They’re your armor. And yes, you just have to believe it that someday, you will, eventually.

Things I’m excited about (this is not actually related to this post):

– John Green’s new book Turtle’s All The Way Down (why do I have a feeling that it is more beautiful than TFiOS?)

– I’m slowly learning how to play ukulele (or maybe I feel I am even though I’m not really) Anways, I’m happy so that’s what matters.

– I will find more books to read like Chicken Soup and that of Pierre. All about poetry. Talk about collection.

– I wanna buy dslr and polaroid. Not sure if this will turn to reality now, but definitely pretty soon. Exciting!

This is all for now. Time to rest my panda eyes. 🙂

Wandering Mind

I actually want to write something today but I struggle what to write. Maybe because there’s so many things happening on my mind lately (yeah I think a lot, but I don’t know if that’s good or bad). I hate that I feel too much about everything and anything. But anyways, even my heart and mind is not in a good condition as of the moment but I do believe that there’s always, always something good in every condition. So here’s the things I learned lately:

I’ve got a deeper meaning of regret as of the moment. There are three people whom I know in my life who sadly passed away recently. One of them is close to my heart and I didn’t even get to see her before she rested. And then this heart of mine suddenly made me realized that ‘hey, you’re still alive and you have million different ways to show to your loved ones how deeply you love them, how you REALLY appreciate them.’ That there’s no such thing as regret as long as you’ve done what you can to help them. Pain and loss are all part of being a human and it will make you more resilient towards life. That goes to my realization that…

Our number one purpose in this life is to show our most genuine, unselfish love to others. No matter how unlovable human beings are sometimes. We’re here to remind them that there’s one here ready enough to listen, there’s one here who would understand every word that they will try to speak, even the words they’re afraid to say. That if we show our most genuine self to others, they will appreciate it and in return they will love us back and the love that we gave, they would also show it to others. Isn’t that amazing? And…

Staying true to yourself. In the past I struggle with this because I always seek validation from others. Which I think is not healthy because you’re pretending to be someone you’re not just to please others. But now I realized that there will always and always be people who will appreciate everything you have to offer, even your weirdest self. So there’s no need to have so many people/friends to prove that you’re worthy to be love, because you’re worthy to be loved. Always remember that Self.

Self love is important. I think it’s so ironic that when we became older each day, we care much about other rather ourselves. We force to ate that burger because we have a deadline to finish, we bought that dress because somebody said it looks good on you (even personally it’s not your fashion sense), we spent hours on social medias realizing at the end of the day that it’s time wasted. So take a deep breath, listen to that nostalgic song, take a night bath, buy that moisturizer, learn that ukulele, make it a habit to tell yourself, ‘you’re beautiful, believe in yourself’. And also…

That sleep is important. So I probably need to sleep now because I have to work tomorrow and pretend to be a productive adult. 

And here’s an unrelated photo because I just feel like posting it. I just love this place because I can think of a lot of things. And at this moment, I feel a mixture of melancholia and nostalgia. I do apologized for the incoherency of words. I just write random. 

– Jannin