‘Pag Nakilala Kita

Sana ‘pag nakilala kita,

Kilala ko na sarili ko

Alam ko na kung ano ang gusto ko

Para sigurado na ko sa’yo.

Sana pag nakilala kita,

Mas maging pasensyuso ka pa sana

Sapagkat napakahirap

Pakitunguhan ang isang tulad ko.

Sana pag nakilala kita,

Maintindahan mo sanang duguan tong pusong to,

Alam kong nakakatawa ito,

Sapagkat ‘di pa ako nakaranas masaktan ng todo todo.

Pero sana maintindihan mo pa rin ako.

Sana ‘pag nakilala kita,

Malaman mong handang handa na ko

Mahalin ang tulad mo

At maging parte ng makulay mong mundo.

… Pag nakilala kita,

Alam kong hindi na puro ‘ako’,

Kaya kahit hindi man ganun kakulay ang mundo mo,

Gaya ng inaasahan ko,

Hayaan mong tanggapin ko itong lahat

Tulad ng pagtanggap mo sakin ng buong-buo.
– Jannin. 🌿

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I Will Write

I will write only beautiful things
I will write anything that inspires me,
I will write a life I always want to be,
I will write with the eagerness that everything will be alright
I will write in such a way everyone around me will inspire
I will write with all my heart
I will write and wash away all the pain in my heart,
I will write things that makes me feel alive
I will write that there will never be room for regret in my heart
I will write and fill my life with beautiful symphony and melody

I will write until there’s no more space for anything bad in my heart.

Photographs

Timeless things
They captured everything
From the innocence of childhood
To the joyfulness of youth.
What’s good about this is
will give you countless ideas
Of a moment
Otherwise gone and forgotten
It will bring you back at that exact moment
Of happiness and of sadness
Even a person with Alzheimer’s
Will surely remember.
I love photographs
They contain unscripted smiles
And contagious laughters
Of childhood I miss
Of people I want to reconnect with
Of places I want to visit again
Of moments I know will not happen again.
So everytime something
Captured my eyes,
I grab my phone and snap it
Right away, anywhere.
It’s like my mind tells me that
‘Go, because it may not happen again!’
That’s the story
Why I’m a person addicted to photographs,
Mind you, it’s not selfies.
But memories that will surely stay
As long as I could remember.

……

Everyone has ‘baggage’

Growing old, understanding human nature and behaviours. I’ve come to the realization that everyone experienced this. Come to think of it, everyday we are figuring ourselves, we are losing ourselves sometimes because as we all know, life is pretty much not perfect. We will experienced failures, disappointments, discouragement that we start to develop these different sort of ‘baggage’. Life is indeed a ‘Great, Extraordinary Unknown.’

Baggage.

It will not always be the same but everyone has that. Every person became who they are right now because of the things they’ve experienced before and I think it is one of the greatest wonders of being human. You can’t really grasp the intentions and what’s inside the heart and mind that’s why sometimes a person judge another person base on how he/she perceive him/her.

And the good thing there is, we can always be kind, we can always be gentle with people. There are those who really are strong in nature that we thought, this person is really tough, but deep inside we didn’t know that he/she is already hurting. We didn’t know what the person is going through. Someone is suffering from depression, we may not know it. Someone had just lost a loved one, we may not know it. Someone experienced their first heartbreak, we may not know it. Someone may think they’ve been taken for granted and feel unloved, we may not know it.

So it’s not that hard to show kindness to people because everybody deserves to be treated the way they would feel loved. The way they should really be treated. When we realized that each one of us has ‘baggage’ and assume that all of us grows in different ways, in that little way, we put something beautiful in the world. Not only we make someone feel better, we also help ourselves to be more compassionate, more loving and the byproduct? We ourselves become the better person.

And then we grow. Then we are able to face difficult and unpredictable storms in life. We become resilient. We beautify the world.

Isn’t it beautiful? Kindness and understanding goes a long way. So never underestimate it. 🙂

What If

What if someday, we will live the way we want our lives to be? What if we’ll find the rare kind of love, that we will stop with the idea that we are not good enough? What if what we’re really searching for so long will finally finds its way to us that we stop learning about ourselves because we already knew who we really are?

These are some of the questions that mostly made it’s way to my top 10 mind blowing, lack of sleep, over thinking questions about my favorite subject, life. Do you have those moments where you’re just immense with your own thoughts that you lost tract of time? That you are both scared and excited about how the future will turn out. If ever you’ll be happy living your life or you will never stop searching for that something, if ever you’ll be happy even if you did not find that something you’re searching for your whole life. I hope I make sense, even though I’m not.

I know I’m feeling too much again, like I always do. That’s why I need to wrote it down to reassure myself that what I felt is normal and there’s nothing to be worried about. You know what I realized? That there are so many beautiful possibilities for every person living here on earth. There are endless possibilities to be happy, to be that somebody you always pray to be. And you know what I realized again? That you can achieve it all, all that little and not so little dreams you have in your heart. There’s just 100s and perhaps thousands possibilities that are available for you. It may not all be easy. And who says beautiful things will just come out there all of sudden? They all takes time. True love. Genuine happiness. And you just never stop thinking about them because someday, they would just come to you. Faith, hope, love. They’re your armor. And yes, you just have to believe it that someday, you will, eventually.

Things I’m excited about (this is not actually related to this post):

– John Green’s new book Turtle’s All The Way Down (why do I have a feeling that it is more beautiful than TFiOS?)

– I’m slowly learning how to play ukulele (or maybe I feel I am even though I’m not really) Anways, I’m happy so that’s what matters.

– I will find more books to read like Chicken Soup and that of Pierre. All about poetry. Talk about collection.

– I wanna buy dslr and polaroid. Not sure if this will turn to reality now, but definitely pretty soon. Exciting!

This is all for now. Time to rest my panda eyes. 🙂

Search

We have to continue search and search and search… Until we’ll find what we are looking for. – A conversation with Best Friend

Have you ever wonder what it’s like to be lost? I kinda grasp that idea right now. But I like the idea of that quote above, that if we continue to search for the ‘what’ in our lives, eventually we’ll come across what we are looking for. And that life will become more meaningful and that we have thousand, perhaps a million reasons why we woke up each morning. Not the waking up, fixing the bed and do morning routine kind of thing, but the really essence of waking up. That there’s purpose, there’s a positive force inside you telling, ‘it’s a wonderful and miraculous day to be alive. Make every second of it worth it!’

And she believes that someday she would just eventually find it and she will finally, finally, completely, utterly and genuinely happy that she forgot that she is once a sad story.

Nostalgia

I turned on the song Noel Cabangon’s Kanlungan and memories just automatically flashes back on my subconscious mind. This song is about reminiscing gold old times, remembering how simple it is to live back then, when people are really living in the moment not living with a cellphone in their hands. How time really flies.

I will always consider my childhood as my ‘happy place’, because that’s where almost my genuinely, excited, jolly self originated. I can’t think of how many times I miss it (I think everyone does also) and how I miss my old self where everything feels real and happy at the same time. And now I find it hard to go back to that jolly, carefree child because of the pressure of being an adult already. So do you want to know how much I miss it? I don’t know if I can put that to words because the memories that built inside my head is so rich and profound, it’s like one of those treasures that you keep on holding on for like, forever and you keep on opening it (like a treasure box) whenever life throws you thousands (I know I’m just exaggerating it) of challenges that you can’t seem to grasp or comprehend. And this is one of those moments where I am opening that precious treasure of all, my childhood. What do you like most of your childhood? Mine’s compose of Filipino games I am proud I played back then. Playing endless street games: patintero, tumbang preso, chinese garter, cards, jackstones, piko and etc. And then coming home dirty and all. Although the aftermath there is a sure angry lecture from mother about proper hygiene and how it’s so hard to wash dirty uniforms. I smile whenever I remembered those times and I’m happy that I lived on a generation where you’re actually got to experience what is like to be a child. Carefree and genuinely happy. And then those childhood friends where you get to play it with almost everything, like you’ll build a house out of used rice sacks and old boxes and then feeling satisfied after building it (especially that it does stand on its own, that’s when you’ll realize you made your own bahay-bahayan). Then you get to experience what nature can offer because you need ‘food’ in order for your bahay bahayan to be called a home, you’ll find different wildflowers and leaves. It’s funny because you become resourceful and you can randomnly find used cans and made it as cooking utensils. *Sigh*. How I just miss it. How come the things that makes us happy cannot stay there forever. Like biking in a hill with plants and grass and you just smell the scent of fresh air. Like creating colorful kites and trying to fly it in a field and that satisfaction on your face where you can see your kite flying flowly in the air. Simple but unforgettable moments.

Dearest Childhood,

I can’t express how much happiness you gave me. I may think like a real adult right now but there’s just times where I wish I could go back there and be with you again. I miss me when I’m with you. I miss having so much fun like there’s no tomorrow. Like I will not think of something bad will happen after I experienced extreme euphoria. Now I always think it that way. But anyways, even though you’re already a memory to me now, I am extremely grateful that I got to really experienced feeling infinite and genuinely happy. Maybe I will not experience it again but if God’s will that He will bless me with a child, I will do my outmost effort to show him/her the very essence of being a child. Being in the moment. Enjoying every little thing. Happiness in simplest things. And I would like to be one of his/her playmate. I’m quite excited actually. ‘Til then.

-Jannin