Genuinely happy

So today’s my day off and I got to spend it so much with my workmates. I’m happy that we enjoyed each other’s company already and it’s safe to say that we are comfortable being goofy and weird together. Which is really a good thing. We ate so much food and then take weird selfies and just laugh and laugh until our stomach hurts. I miss those kinds of laughs because they’re so authentic and natural that being weird is not a bad thing, that’s why I’m thankful that I got to laugh again, the truest one. 

I’m happy in this present moment knowing that I’ve already adjusted in the place where I am currently working. Though there are restrictions but still, happiness is just a state of mind. And I choose to be positive and hopeful each day (though it’s not always that easy). I actually can’t believe that I’ll survive this whole journey because I’m such an emotional person and being away from home is really a huge struggle for me. I remembered crying and crying (I think it’s the worst cry I had in my life) at the van with my parents, knowing I will not get to see them for two years. My mother just hold my hand while my father is telling me what to expect while working abroad (though I know deep inside he really does want to console me, knowing he also worked on the place I’ll be going). And now after 5 and a half months, I’m here, happy, learning a new language, I have a job, I get to support my family financially,  I’ve met a lot of beautiful souls. I think I am more than blessed knowing that I have these things. I will be bringing these wonderful experiences when I am coming home, which will just happen. So there’s no need to worry. 

I am also happy that one of my closest friend is getting married. Knowing she waited patiently for her definition of true love. I just can’t contain my happiness because she’d been praying this throughout the years and finally, she already found hers. I’m just sad that I can’t attend her wedding but I’m happy that she said to me, “I hope you’re here on my wedding (she wants me to be one of her bridesmaids) because you’re so close to my heart.” Which melts my heart away. Then memories just flashback, the food trips, her being my partner always in ministry, the sleepovers, the movie marathons, and the conversations.  And then I remember all and I just felt nostalgic at that moment. A beautiful kind of nostalgia. I admit I overused that word already but I don’t know, for me as I get older, I always find myself looking back to all the memories that had been built in my mind. That’s where almost of my happiness came from actually.

So basically my next blog post is all about being ‘Nostalgic’. I’m excited because it is mostly associated with my childhood.  

Songs I’m playing while writing this: The Beatles’ In My Life and Passenger’s Beautiful Birds.

Thanks for patiently reading this not so important post. 😛  

Books and Someone

Books always gives me comfort and satisfaction whenever I feel sad or depressed, or anything that I feel. And sometimes, I prefer the company of books than humans, which introverts can highly relate to.

Well actually we are all books, waiting to be read, waiting to be appreciated. And then we grow up, we experienced things, we create things, we learned things that adds up to our own story, to our book. And then our figurative heart starts to appreciate another human being, another book, and then we imagine ourselves also soaking into that book.   That’s also when we learned that we just need someone who will get us, who will understand us. We really don’t want to be that ‘best selling book’ everybody talks about but we just want to be seen and feel deeply by that one single person who will appreciate what we have to offer, who we really are.

So basically this post is all about linking books romantically (yes, I’m very much of a weirdo and I’m proud to be one, and why does I need to explain myself, lol) and I get this inspiration from a quote I posted on Instagram years ago. So here it goes:

Someday someone will read every pages of your very own book. Someday someone would pick you up on a bookstore and won’t stop reading your story. Even though you’re not like those beautifully made book but then, that someone would read your book description and would be curious, and ends up buying you, or I mean reading you. And he will understand, he will understand everything about you. He will not just fold pages that interest him the most but he will read every single pages of you, may it be good or bad. He’ll be like those passionate readers who is consume with a book that he carries it wherever he goes and loves to learn more about you. He will not be the others who thinks appearance matters, he’ll think that reading you is like reading The Little Prince, books that inspires him to be better and to see life in a different perspective. He’ll swim in the depths of your soul and actually swim with you, in other words, he will understand you in a deeper and different level. And you’ll be someone he’ll love reading all over and over again and will never get tired. Everytime he read about you, it’s feels the same way. So please never ever think that you’re not going to be someone’s book because someday, someone will understand you and will keep you forever.

A book someone will take good care of. For how long?

Forever.

Sparks, 2/2

Strangers to each other. Soon to be lovers. A story of two people who met under the moonlight, not in Paris, but in some not so familiar but beautiful place. Oblivious to the world around them, obviously attracted to each other. It all started there, that undeniable spark.

‘Hi. It’s kinda awkward to ask, but you know where can I buy something that can make me happy?’ He’s too shy to ask but asked anyway.

‘Are you some kind of drunk?’ That’s the weirdest question she encountered so far that day.

‘I know it’s really weird but I just want some place where I can let my heart rest.’ He’s just tired, tired of everything.

‘Well I know a hospital nearby, I can drop you off.’ She said, sarcastically.

‘Oh, that’s harsh but thanks. But no hospital can mend a broken heart I guess.’

‘So you’re one of the million millenials who claims that there heart had broken by some girl?’

For someone who’s never been inlove, she’s like that and she’s just tired hearing the same sentiments of people about love and breaking all over again. She’s also tired, but not the kind of tired the guy infront of him is feeling in the moment. In some weird sense, she kind of feel the pain and loss of the guy that she sense something beautiful in him. Which makes it even weird because he doesn’t know this guy.

‘Maybe I’m a little bit disoriented but she is not just ‘some girl’. I love her. She loved me. With all our hearts. But I guess the problem there is I love a little harder than her that makes the love not worthy at all.’

‘You know, I don’t have much experience when it comes to love but I assure you, when you love someone, no matter how big or little your love for that person, as long as you did your outmost effort to show it to that person, it will always be worthy. Even if the love is not reciprocated in the end.’

‘Woah, that’s kind of comforting. Are you some kind of psychiatrist or counselor?’ He’s starting to like this girl, not because he’s broken, but he sense genuineness with her words. So comforting, so familiar.

‘I’m actually dreaming of being one but I guess I am more fit to be the psyche patient rather than being the doctor.’

They both smile. It started as awkward but they somehow find comfort and humor between the exchange of conversations. They seem comfortable with each other.

‘Hey, do you think it’s weird that we talked about topics like this without knowing each other? I’m Jay and you?’ Shake hands awkwardly.

‘I’m Keena, Kee for short.’

‘Beautiful name it is.’

‘Don’t rely much with the name, it’s just upfront.’

‘Yeah I have to agree. Like my name is really simple but when you get to know me, you would know that I am as awesome and cool as you thought me to be.’

‘Errh. Okay time to go, you’re wasting my time.’ These kind of conversations irritates her, most of the time.

He holds a grip of her arm that sends some shiver in her whole body, a spark. Poetically speaking.

‘Okay, okay. That was just a nonsense joke. I actually enjoy having conversations with you that I don’t know how to keep you entertain that’s why I attempt to made that up. Which didn’t work out anyway.
‘So what makes you alone in this night? You’re not suppose to be alone here. It’s dangerous for you.’ Sounds that he cares.

‘You know sometimes being alone gives me more peace and freedom. I can think more. I can be myself rather than with a bunch of people.’

‘Sounds interesting for me. I dont want to sound like I want to copy you but I also has the same perspective as yours.’

‘Yeah like people makes me lonely sometimes.’

‘Likewise. People are just naturally heart breakers.’

‘Basing from experience uh?’ She noticed the eyebags under his eyes now, that if it is for sale, it will cost a lot. She smile silently. But she also noticed his eyes, that they’re so captivating that she find herself staring unnoticeably at those. Even though physical attritubes doesn’t impress her at all.

‘Hmmm, I guess so. So tell me about your life. You know I can sense that you’re one of those people who just listens to people’s problems and don’t share yours.’

‘What will I tell? There’s nothing interesting in my life that’s why I love listening to other people struggles.’ She sensed that this guy has high sensitivity to life that makes her want to believe him.

‘Come on, I know there is. You can’t be forever a listener, you have to tell story. Your own story.’

Wow, this guy makes her feel that she knows her. In some odd way, she’s liking it. She’s about to speak when suddenly her cellphone rings. A message from her best friend:

‘WHERE ARE YOU? WE’RE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU. YOUR PARENTS ARE WAITING HOME. PLEASE REPLY ASAP.

‘I’m sorry but I think I need to go home. It’s nice meeting and talking to you.’

‘Oh, jeez. But can I atleast get your number? Or Facebook?’

‘Keena Marquez.’ She smiles and she’s suddenly gone.

They both know that there’s something in there. They felt that spark and both of them hope that they would again feel that way, someday.

*Playing Coldplay’s Sparks*