The Light that Never Fades


Sometimes it may seem dull

That you can’t find your light

Your shining star

But when you look from above

Who made the stars

The heavens, the constellations 

You will see His light

Sparkling so bright.

Sometimes you feel lost

That all you could think of is your loss

But when you close your eyes

And speaks to Him with all your soul

You will find comfort you long

Which makes you feel grand and humble.

That’s the time

When you wouldn’t feel all alone

Cause He alone is enough

To supplement your thirsty soul.

….

– Isaiah 41:10 

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Living Life as an Introvert

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I’m always been the weird kid even back then. The quiet one, the ugly duckling, the one who doesn’t usually have so many friends. The one who doesn’t participate in extracurricular activities because I’m the most awkward student ever existed. The one who’s heart is pounding loudly when reportings are suddenly decided by the teachers. Did I just sabotage myself?

In short, I live most of my life having this personality. Some may like us but majority doesn’t.

And I’m not quite shy about that because I’m proud to be one.

But.

I think most of the time we are always misunderstood. People normally doesn’t want to talk to us because we really are one of the most awkward types of people ever. And it takes a tremendous amount of time to really get to know us, because we can’t open up our life right away to someone. You need to gain our trust so in return, we can give ours. Pretty tricky, right? But, when you really get to know us, we will surely give our enormous effort to appreciate you, in short, we will value deep and sensible friendship that had built with someone who sincerely appreciates us for who we are, for what we have to offer.

And our personality? We feel too much in everything and we are the most empathetic people you could ever meet (is that sounds boastful?) and most of the time, we are ready to lend our ears for someone who wants to confess everything they don’t want in life, in short if they have problems. Most of the time, someone always do the talking and all we have to do is listen (and we love that). But the exciting part there is when an extrovert or ambivert will feel in their hearts that introverts just want also to share their sentiments about life too. Deep stuffs, frankly speaking. And that’s the time where you really will get to know us deeper, and you will just realized in the end how talkative we are (as long as it’s about life, galaxies, mind, religion, and other intangible but important things). No small talks, please! Lol. That’s the time when we would feel comfortable with you and you will see our weird side gradually becoming even more clearer and clearer (which is our normal state actually, for your information)

We’re not socially acceptable but our minds don’t stop talking. There are always scenarios in our heads and what ifs and possibilities and hopes for the future. We usually are over thinkers because we value life so much and our future. Most of the time, you may see us staring nowhere. You may think it’s weird (actually it is) but it is our way of surviving through life. Because it’s very hard for us to express all our thoughts verbally, you often find us having journals and writing blogs. Mostly our daily ramblings towards life and all that encompasses it. We also love art so much. When we appreciate someone, we don’t usually post it on Facebook or Instagram to prove to the world that we appreciate them but we usually make handwritten letters and cards for them. That we believe, last a lifetime more than the material things oftentimes given by almost all humans.

We crave for the presence of people but also needs a ‘me time’ most of the time. Our energy goes low when so much stimuli had entered our mind (especially when there’s special occasion with so much unknown people talking to us for the first time). We become overwhelmed and that’s where the comfort room is literally a comfort for us (lol) and a huge help for our social life because we can escape the reality we are facing with ambiverts and extroverts. And then we are recharged again.

It’s actually pretty hard to be an introvert but at the same time rewarding because we choose who we want to associate with. And because we choose who we want to associate with, usually our friendship last for years and it’s one of the most important aspect for the life of an introvert. We value quality more than quantity and that makes our life less toxic and more meaningful. That part, I extremely believe.

So.

Go and approach an introvert, it maybe hard at first (or they may even withdraw) but if you keep on trying, it surely is worth every step of the way. Most of the time, we are just waiting to be approach by someone and then we’re good to go!

One thing is for sure, friendship will build and will surely be for everlasting. 🌿

“A book to read in a rainy day, a coffee in hand while you’re on your pajamas. Oh, what a beautiful definition of life it is for an introvert. It’s literally heaven on earth.”

Everything heals.

Every cells in our body are design to help us heal, for us to recover from whatever wound or pain we are experiencing right now and will be experiencing in the near future. The white blood cells, one of the most vital composition of blood, are like soldiers who are always on the go when infection or open wound happens. They’re called the first line of defense. Just a little bit of science, lol. Well, I just realized in that little chemistry how important we are to God because he’ll do whatever it takes for us to get away from whatever pain we are experiencing. And I still don’t get it up to now why people still blame God when something bad happens to them. Especially if it’s beyond their control. Nevertheless, it feels good to know that there’s God who’s ready enough to accept our flaws and who will always ready enough to heal us. Everytime. I repeat, everytime and everyday. It’s a secured assurance that he’ll literally catch us everytime we fall. I always love the idea of that. 

What I want to point out is that all of us will experience pain. Every sort of pain. Physically, emotionally, mentally. We’ll go through all that phases of our lives because we are humans, whether we like it or not, each of us will hurt each other (aware or not). As what Bob Marley said, you just got to find the ones worth suffering for.



But the sure thing about pain is that it doesn’t last long. It’s temporary. Temporary for the simple reason that everything heals. Everything will heal and all things takes time. You’re currently hurting right now but it doesn’t mean that it will stay there forever. Yes, maybe, it will leave a mark, a scar that will give you enough reason to give up in love, in life, in everything. But, mind you, if you look life in a different perspective, you will see silverlining in every pain you will experience. It will not just make you strong but when you experienced, feel deeply, appreciate every pain in your heart, you will realise how much you have grown as a person. You become an elastic band, you develop resilience towards life. You have that new found understanding about life that not all things you’ve planned goes along your way. And you have to be more patient and forgiving about it, to yourself and others because that’s the only thing you can learn about life. 

Let me share to you one of my favourite line from my favourite movie A Walk to Remember, “without suffering there will be no compassion”. Suffering is expected, a part of being a human being, but what you get from suffering, ‘compassion’ is something incredible. You developed compassion towards other people because you feel the pain they’re experiencing (because it already happened to you). It grows in you and comes naturally to you. 

So I repeat, whatever pain you’re experiencing right now, always remember that everything heals. And always carry with you the lesson you learned from that, and that will make your life from ordinary to naturally extraordinary because you choose your life. You choose to let pain change you, for the better. 🌿

P.S.: While writing this, I’m not currently hurting inside. It’s just that the idea just pop in my mind and I feel the urge to write this. 

Her thoughts 

And in the end, all she have is herself and her thoughts. 
Her thoughts are way more colorful than her actual life. She kind of understand that thought right now, that she’s contented in all that she is. She would just continue to add more color to her dull and boring life and someday it will just automatically blossoms to something she never expected. 

She would continue to be anything beautiful, not that of the outside, she would continue to shower positive thoughts in her mind. It will not be easy, it never was. There are days that she feels everything at the same time. Her thoughts are spinning into an endless whirlwind of emotions, like a nonstop carousel, like a rainbow without an end. A nonstop playing music box without any rhythm.

There will be days that she feels like laughing and laughing, because she’s happy. There will be days where all her energy is like Rose in Titanic, where she didn’t care about how people telling her how she should dance. The important is she’s happy, she’s contented. There will be days where all she could think of is how not good enough she is, and that she should reassure herself that it’s okay to feel that way. The important is, she’s feeling something. Is that more okay than not feeling at all? 
And she reminded herself (everyday) that it’s okay not be okay and she’s finally okay with that.

🌿

Every little thing

Everyday, we are doing all we can to survive, to live a life we always want to have. Each of us (billions of people) living here on Earth have different sets of dreams and we will get what it takes to achieve it all. But, even though we’re all different, it’s nice to think that each of us are made of little things that makes up our everyday living. I still find it strange and amazing at the same. 

I don’t know but for me, I’m always been a fan of little things. I knew right from the start (since childhood) that my happiness is not overly dramatic and that I’m not hard to please because I enjoy the simple things in life. I believe that makes me weird, even back then. And because I enjoyed it so much that others may think I’m overreacting to every little thing, which is really true (that’s why I’m not a people’s person and I’m okay with that)

My mind is currently in an ‘active now’ mood as of the moment about all these little things. Like right now, I’m currently listening to Jim Croce’s I’ll Have To Say I Love in a Song. I’ve heard this most of my childhood days so it’s not hard not to remember this beauty of a song. You know that feeling when a certain song makes you nostalgic (ooops, super abuse word) and at the same time makes you happy. No explanation at all. That’s why I always love playing music during long drives and looking at the car’s window because it makes me genuinely happy. I also love hearing people’s unique laughs because they’re so fun to see. And jokes that gets you, that makes you really laugh, the kind of laugh where your stomach hurts because you can’t stop laughing. And every person’s voice that you’ll instantly recognised it if that’s your best friend, your sister, your mother or your father. I love everything about it. And those random acts of kindness, like someone gave you a piece of chocolate or ice cream because they know you’ll love it. Someone pick a random wildflower just for you because they know how obsessed you’re with flowers. Someone that will share songs that will instantly makes it’s way to your playlist because you will definitely download it right away. Gifts that has sticky notes or letter in it because they know you’ll love it more than the gift itself. Those comforting words like, ‘don’t forget to eat fruits or drink milk’, ‘I prayed for you’, ‘I miss you’ that came from my parents gets me, really. And right now, I ate chicken sotanghon (glass noodles) soup that I made because it’s perfect for a cold night. Wala lang, masaya lang akong masarap ang lasa at na nakarami ako ng kain. Lagot. 
And so,
I will always hold to every little things because that’s what makes me get up every morning. It’s a reminder to me that the little things, they’re not actually that little actually. Because when put up altogether, it makes up the big things. That’s where happiness takes in. 🌿

Actually I have tons of ideas about this topic but I’ll have save it in my next blog post because it’s exactly 1:35 am. I need to sleep and this weather is inviting me to really sleep na.

 Soooo, good night. ‘Til then. 🌷

“Not everyone has a heart like yours.”

I heard/seen this quote more often nowadays.

And…

I kind of get this right now. Before, I always question myself why humans act in such a way that conform to them, base on how they would respond with the way they’re being treated by others. And it always saddens me that there are people who just love the idea of taking advantage of kind souls.

And you’re blessed enough if you encounter people who are naturally kindhearted.

But, I also accepted the idea that not everyone in this whole white world (or I mean in this technicolor world) will have a heart like mine. Not that I say I am 100% kind-ish person but I like the idea of treating others fairly, the exact words are, ‘gusto kong ipafeel that there’s someone out there na kusangloob na tumulong, na magbigay pansin. Kasi madalas, masyado tayong nakafocus sa sarili nating mundo na nakakalimutan nating may mga tao na pala tayo nasasaktan.’ I don’t want to be that person. Never. As in.

And then there’s that saying that if you’re good to me, I will treat you right. If you done anything bad to me, I will also do something bad to you. In short, revenge. I really hate that concept. I know, it’s their pride telling them that they’ve been hurt or treated bad that’s why they would also do something to hurt that person back. I think it is immature and at the same time it’s plain selfishness because it will just worsen the situation. That’s when I also realised that friendship, may it be long or short term, will automatically crashed/broken when pride is highlighted and compromising is not even considered. Love is no longer there.

And I just want to continue what I have started. Wow, akala mo naman kung anong sinimulan ni Ateng. But seriously, if there’s only one thing I want me to be remembered by people, is how much I’ve made an impact in their lives. I like the idea of it. That they remember me because I am kind and because of me they become a better person, not because I am pretty (I know I’m not, this one is just completely joke) or because I have a good job (again, this is not true and this is just example). In short, I don’t want to be remember as someone superficial. I always want to be remember as someone who has heart on everything. Big or small.

So here are my little bits of realization about this topic:

Not everyone will get along with you and it’s okay. Not everyone will get your personality because it is accepted only by few. Not everyone will understand that helping others makes you feel good about yourself, so continue doing so. Not everyone will have a heart ready to listen to people’s stories, continue still. Not everyone will be like you and if you ever find souls that completely jinks with your attitude and personality, keep them because they’re so rare like diamonds. Hard to find but last forever.

And lastly, continue to infect others with your beautiful soul, you may never know who you’re inspiring.

I will leave you with this quote by John Green, “I will get forgotten, but the stories will last. And so we all matter—maybe less than a lot, but always more than none.”

🌿